Creative Discussions > Fan Fiction & Writing

Year 13: Safety

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LeoReborn:

--- Quote from: Frenchfry545 on September 06, 2010, 07:07:03 PM ---[Author mode]
1: I think the mood changes are being made to occur too quickly.
2: I mean, I get the idea of mood swings and all, but, c'mon... there's a new feel to the story every line of dialogue. You need to stick with one emotion for a little longer than that.
3: Walking away from that story, I have absolutely no idea what the relationship between them is now. It also makes the mental breakdown of kara seem much less important, when she's totally fine the next line, and then having another one two lines later.
Other than that, good job.
[/Author mode]

--- End quote ---

1: Im trying to highlight how Insensitive boys Can Be at that age
2: Im trying to Imply that Kara isnt crazy, She's Just Oversensitive, and is only trying to protect him.
3: Thats the point, I know where its going.

When she Shuts him out, Its supposed to make you think.

Frenchfry:
I dunno... It just feels kind of... rushed. I mean, they need to have at least a few lines of dialogue with a solid and clear emotion.

LeoReborn:
It was kinda in my head, but I added a lot here and there.

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