Creative Discussions > Fan Fiction & Writing

Adventure in Space (Part 1 of 2)

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LeoReborn:
What part of the world is Maritus anyway?

Frenchfry:
It's the part of the world that Jerry lives in. Just that puts it on the map.

Anyway, i liek dis story.
Only misuse of a word I can see is where you said "Unwillingly" in the last paragraph. Unwillingly would mean that they didn't push him away of their own free will, and had been forced by someone else. "Reluctantly" would make more sense.

Jerry:
Yes, thank you. I think that reluctantly will be a better word. :)

Just use google Coran ;)

Pubbles:
Nicely done... I hope there is much more of this story to come.

If you want a handy tool to check word usage and act as a thesaurus, check out "Visual Thesaurus" a program... Well, a program that connects synonyms and antonyms in a visual net. I do recall a Freeware version out there, but my version was paid for... I use it nearly every day.

Also a small thing to edit:
(Fourth Paragraph, 3rd Sentence)

"She further told me that there were millions in the
universe like those in the universe, but only a few were safe to live on. "

Should drop the first "in the universe" to make it work better.

That's all! I like what you've done with it.

-Pubbs

Jerry:
Thank you. I think I missed this repetition :-[

Yes, I'll be posting the next part soon I hope, if I get the time.

Have you guessed who the narrator is? ;)

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