Creative Discussions > Fan Fiction & Writing

Lucario goes to the poffin shop!

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PowerPoke:
On a sunny, sunday morning, Lucario's belly rumbled! "I'm hungry" Said Lucario with a smile. "I'm going to go to the poffin shop!" So Lucario walked past the Funny Forest, he met a little Riolu. "I'm hungry!" Said the Riolu. "Me too!" Said Lucario! "Why don't we go to the poffin shop together?" Lucario said happily! "That sounds great" Shouted Riolu with delight! So they both walked into Hunny Sunny City! They went inside the poffin shop and went to the counter! "Please could we buy some sweet poffins?" Lucario said to the Blissy running the shop. "Okie Dokie!" Said the Blissy! "Rumble rumble" Went Riolu's tummy. "That'll be 1 Oran berry please!" Said the Blissy. "Ok" Smiled Lucario. So lucario and Riolu walked out of the shop with their Sweet Poffins! "Gobble Gobble" "Crunch" "Munch" Lucario and Riolu sat on a rock and ate the poffins! "Yum Yum!" Said Riolu! "Delicious" Smiled Lucario! Lucario and Riolu went back home and fell asleep with a full tummy! What a fantastic day!

PowerPoke:
Do you like it? It's my first ever pokemon story ;D

LeoReborn:
How old are you?

It seems a little childish, and the story is difficult to read because its crammed in there.
It is good for a first story, but I'd suggest reading some of the stories in this section, preferably written by me, Frenchfry, Jerry, Pkmn Trainer Black... people like us.

Its constructive criticism, to make you a great writer. I would suggest those things to write like a true author.

PowerPoke:
Thanks StarLite! I'll take your advice and become a better writer! :)

Frenchfry:

--- Quote from: StarLite on February 21, 2011, 02:05:20 AM ---How old are you?

It seems a little childish, and the story is difficult to read because its crammed in there.
It is good for a first story, but I'd suggest reading some of the stories in this section, preferably written by me, Frenchfry, Jerry, Pkmn Trainer Black... people like us.

Its constructive criticism, to make you a great writer. I would suggest those things to write like a true author.

--- End quote ---
Fixed.
Also, as a side note, the stories I'm writing have a dark feel to them, so don't take the emotions they portray to heart if you want a story that makes people feel good about themselves.

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