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Pokemon Chronicles: Gifted Ones

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PkMn Trainer Black:
Part 1- Introduction

          Once, there were trainers. The trainers worked their way up to competing against each other. As more championships arose, more code names were created for the winners. These Champions each had a code name that were passed down each generation.  There were colors coded for these families’ generations. Red, Blue, Gold, Silver, and Gray were the code names for the people recognized as the “Elite Horses.” Gray is the Overall best, Red and Gold tied for second, and Blue and Silver for last. Five years after the birth of  Daveto by Red & blue and Siriana by Gold and Silver,  the children were friends and received their pokemon of choice, which is where our story begins…

Frenchfry:
I'm not sure how I could critique this, except by rewriting it and saying "THIS is how it should look," which I would be happy to do in a PM, but it strikes me as a little too "look at me" to put right here.

That being said, I like the plot, and the way it ties together all the earlier games. Also, try to think of a better name than "Elite Aces". It's a little redundant, and not all that catchy.

One more thing: Who are the women in the relationships between RedxBlue and GoldxSilver? That strikes me as an important detail.

PkMn Trainer Black:
Blue and Silver are the women.  How does 'Elite Horses' sound?

Frenchfry:
Much better.

PkMn Trainer Black:
Part 2- Shining Darkness

Daveto was the son of Red and Blue and the friend of Siriana, The daughter of Gold and Silver. They watched their parents go at each other in a double battle. Since that point, they wanted to be better than everyone, even the Elite Horses.  Red gave Daveto a Charmander and Blue gave him a Treecko. Siriana was given a  Chimchar by Gold and a Mijumaru by Silver. The parents gave them a level counter to see how close their pokemon was to learning a new move. They confronted each other with their new pokemon and counters. “Want a Double battle, Siriana?” asked Daveto. Siriana grinned and said, "Of course. Go Mijumaru and Chimchar!”  “ This is going to be interesting. Treecko and Charmander, it’s show time!” All four of the pokemon looked around to see their surroundings. Daveto and Siriana knew then that they were crossbreed hatched. “Chimchar, Show me your strongest move on that Charmander.” Chimchar looked at its fist as the fingers turned yellow. It jogged towards the Charmander and threw an electrified punch “Cool! Thunder Punch,” said Siriana with joy. The Thunder Punch hit Charmander with somewhat force and knocked him back a little. “Mijumaru, your turn. Your strongest move please.” Mijumaru aimed at the Trekko when it took the shell off of its belly and swung at the air. Some material formed and headed at Treecko. It hit Treecko in the neck, knocking him back a bit more. “Nice Air Slash."   “Treecko, Charmander,” he said with concern, “are ya’ll alright?” Both pokemon nodded. Daveto put on his level counter. This also shows the current moves it knows. “Let’s counter-attack. Charmander, Dragon Rush on Chimchar! Treecko, Energy Ball on Mijumaru!” Charmander ran towards with little exerted energy. Right as Charmander was about to strike, it fell and it’s tail hit Chimchar instead, both of them laying on the ground. Treecko created a ball of protons and electrons and shot it at the Mijumaru with decent speed. “Reflect it!” Mijumaru held up her shell and the Energy Ball pushed her back pretty good before it went back to Treecko. “Use Pound on your Energy Ball,” he reacted. Treecko couldn’t react fast enough. Instead, it hit Treecko right in the face. Treecko eye were swirled, meaning it couldn‘t battle. Daveto worried about the way this was going, though neither of them wanted to lose. “Charmander, come over here.”  it did and Chimchar was also back on its feet. “Time to wrap this up,” smirked Siriana, “Chimchar, Thunder Punch! Mijumaru, Tackle! Both at full power!” Both pokemon gained a burst of speed.
   “ Charmander,” he said confidently, “ you gotta get mean. Gotta get angry!” those words struck Charmander like a bullet. Chimchar started to use Growl, and his tail’s fire tip started to grow. “Show that anger!” Energy  started to form around it. A bit more, actually. “Let’s try this again… Dragon Rush!” Charmander jumped the bullet with amazing speed, even though they were still slow. The three collided and smoke arose. When the smoke cleared, the only one who was standing was Mijumaru, but barely.  Red, Blue, Silver, and Gold came out clapping. Siriana’s reason was for winning the battle. Daveto’s reason was for boosting  Charmander’s Dragon rush a little in its first battle. Both were satisfied and became rivals from that point on…

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