Creative Discussions > Fan Fiction & Writing

New World Warriors

<< < (2/6) > >>

Jerry:
Nice!

Only problem I saw was this one:
"Your father and I must flee many guards are dead and it us who are the killers."

change to:
"Your father and I must flee; many guards are dead and we happen to be the killers."

:)

Curtoa:
Alright here is 'Chapter 2' Battle of Clearing Glades.
Chapter 2
The Battle of Clearing Glades

As Sher and Av approached the gate, the watchman warned them to be wary a man dressed in black. He was attacking the empire’s soldiers with his weapon of choice, a bow that he could fire from afar. Sher and Av thought this Black Archer must be Ray. They could never have been more wrong.

Sher and Av set up camp in a popular camping spot for travelers called Clearing Glades. Av went out to find some food and firewood. While she was forging some Stinging Berries in the bush, a twig cracked. Quickly, she turned around. Behind her stood a man clad in black, with a bow in his hand and an arrow knocked on the string, pointing directly at Av.

“Who are you and why are you in the forest?”

“I…I...I…”

“So you’re speechless when someone is pointing a weapon at you as well.” A voice laughed joyfully from way up presumably spoken by the very trees themselves. “Scar, lower that. She’s with me.”

“Are you sure? She could be working for” the man stopped spat on the ground before continuing “Henry.” Scar responded to the mysterious voice.

“Who are you to question me?” The voice roared in anger “Do not push our friendship I am your commander foremost.” the voice replied, once again from a tree.

A shadow jumped down. Standing in front of Av was Ray.

“Ray!” she yelled as she flung herself at him. “We thought you were dead when you did not show up,” she said as she hugged him. “Father is back at the camp. He wanted to leave if you did not show up today; I’m so glad you showed up.”

“I missed you too.” Ray told her “This is Scar. He is a Glanda archer who as aligned himself with the  ...” Ray paused for a moment “I will tell you later the forest is not safe not here”

“My most humble apologies, my lady,” Scar said with a much flushed bow.

“Look there, the blacksmith who killed the city guard!”
“Get him!”
“I want him alive for questioning,” a voice commanded in the distance.

“Ray, we have to help father,” Av pleaded. 

“Scar, round up whom you can and then follow the screams.” Ray ordered.

“Right away, Sir” Scar answered. He turned and climbed up a tree and was off instantly, jumping from branch to branch.

“Stay here.”

“But…But…”

“Stay here!” Ray ran after the voices with his bow out and an arrow notched.

Soon Av heard the death scream of solders and orders to investigate who was shooting the arrows.

Suddenly the twangs from the bow stopped. A loud voice declared, “Give yourself up and we might let the blacksmith live.”

The voice Av identified as Ray yelled back, “And what if I decline that offer?”

“Then the blacksmith will die.”

“I see. So since I’m alone and your group is so much bigger than just I and so much better at avoiding arrows.” Ray responded sarcastically.

“That is exactly why you should surrender.”

“As tempting as that ultimatum is I think I will have to pass.”

Suddenly the air was filled with the sound of arrows firing, the dying soldiers screaming for mercy. The twang of the bows and the screaming men seemed to go on forever.

“We finish this battle with the blade.” Ray yelled.

   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

Av could wait no longer. She ran to the tree line just in time to see thirty men running out of the forest from every direction. They finished off the men dying from the arrows. Some locked in swordplay with the solders that ether survived the downpour of arrows. In the Mêlée, Av could not see Ray. She hoped that he was not one of the dead men lying around the glade.

Out of nowhere, the banner of Lord Falrik was set on fire and waved around in a mocking way. The solders still fighting saw this. They knew that they had been beaten. Most of the then surrendered.

“Bring them here!” Ray commanded.
So he lived, Av thought.

 Ray climbed on top of one of Falrik’s wagons. “From here on out, whenever anyone looks back on the Battle of the Clearing Glades, they will know that against all odds the beggars, the craftsmen, the traders of our world have fought and won against overwhelming numbers. We do not fight for honor or gold and plunder but for the right for our freedom and for the lives of our children, sisters, and wives; and let the King tremble in fear as he hears stories of our conquests as we begin our siege on Lendom. People of the world will see our nation and call on us in their time of need for what we are, we are fighters of justice, and in the years to come whether we win this war or if our descendents will be the ones who will ultimately win the war the flame of freedom will never be killed for on this day we are making our presence, and our intentions known to the world and that we will not stand for tyranny no matter the price and forever will we fight; for we are the fighters for the nations that fell under the yoke of Lendom’s rule.” Ray gestured to groups of men standing in the clearing. “Glanda, Cy islands, Jeron, and the people of Lendom who know we were wrong in our war. We are the New World Warriors.” The men went crazy as Ray finished his speech

Av leaned forward, wanting more then anything to be next to him, next to the this leader of good in the world. In her daze she stepped on a twig, making a crisp crack. Although it was a small sound, it drew Ray’s attention.

“Scar, take Clen and Phin and see what that was. Now!" But before Scar could carry out Ray’s orders, an arrow flew out of the trees and killed Phin.

“SCATTER.” A voice called out.
Everyone bolted for the trees in hopes of survival.

Jerry:
Nice twist :) Some minor typing mistakes are crawling in though :P

"the watchman warned them to be wary a man dressed in black"
"the watchman warned them to be wary of a man dressed in black"

"I see. So since I’m alone and your group is so much bigger than just I and so much better at avoiding arrows."
"I see. So since I’m alone and your group is so much bigger than just me, and so much better at avoiding arrows."

and some comma, nothing big. You could make a book out of it :P
Keep up the good work! I'm liking it a lot so far :)

Declan_23:
I just thought I'd post just so you know Jerry isn't the only one reading this. So far, I like the story, there's lots of room for the plot to develop. The one criticism I have is that you seem to brush over certain points, more detail would be nice :)

Mr. Fox:
I am reading from the shadows over Jerry's shoulders...

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page