Pokemon Universe MMORPG
Creative Discussions => Fan Fiction & Writing => Topic started by: LeoReborn on August 11, 2010, 12:44:41 AM
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(This is based slightly on my past, but is mainly fictitious.)
When I was little, I met a girl, She had long Jet Black Hair, and Emerald Green Eyes. I visited her everyday. Each day her Happiness grew, as I was the only one who knew her. As years went by, She thought much more of me. I was 13 that day, she asked me,
"Do you...Like me?"
She blushed as she said this.
"Of course."
She Leapt with joy, and said,
"I knew you would say yes."
I looked at her, bewildered,
"Why are you this happy? I only said you were a great Friend."
I watched as her head fell,
"Oh."
I could feel her Heart Sinking. The next day, I gave her a present to make up for it.
"Kara, here. I felt sad, that I had to let you down like That. I wanted to make up for it."
Kara opened the box to find a Necklace, at the bottom was a Glass ball, with a tie-dye style pattern blended inside.
"Thanks, I feel a lot better."
4 years had passed, and Kara and I were Nearing Graduation. She had a Boyfriend, whom she'd given the necklace to. She felt like flying with him, but later that night, he had dropped her off at her house. The next morning, I went up to Kara, Tears were streaming down her face.
"Kara! What happened, are you alright?"
She paused, trying to collect herself.
"It's Keith, he...he was texting while Driving, and..."
at this point, she broke down. She clutched me tightly, I almost Cried myself. I pressed my hand against her back, trying to comfort her. In the midst of crying, she managed the Rest out,
"He's gone...by the time I found out, it was over. He died on impact. I found what was left of my necklace."
it was Shattered in two pieces, but only remnants. I took one shard. There wasn't much left. The end of the Day, she left a Note In my Locker, which I read on my way home,
'Im Sorry, I love you, I tried to tell you long ago, not that it matters now. Tomorrow morning, I will be gone too, So I can be with him. I never wanted anything wrong for you, and maybe, if I hadn't met Keith, I wouldn't be writing this. Now that I've told you everything, Take this.
-Kara.'
At the end was a Glass Shard, from her necklace. I cringed at the fact that she'd written a suicide note, but there wasn't much I could think of. My parents had taken every car, so I ran to her house, It took until near sunrise, but I arrived. She Had a knife in her hand.
"Wait! Don't end this, I love you."
....
"I love you, too."
The knife hit its mark, in her chest, through her heart. She lay on the floor, her blood still flowing out. I ran my fingers through her then Curled hair, weeping.
At the burial, I asked,
"Before you close the coffin, can I add Something?"
They allowed it, and I placed one Shard in her limp grasp, along with a small note:
'My dear Kara, if I had only loved you sooner, then you would have lived longer, but I could never love you more than I did. I gave you a shard, so we will always be together. Your soul will live in the shards. I will never forget you, and watch Keith for me.
-Leo'
Regrettably, I found love in a new form, Another girl, Layla. She had Black hair as well, long as Kara's. Her eyes were like Sapphires, as deep as blue could be. She knows of my past, and everything regarding Kara. Thats she sees me sit outside, looking up, she lets me be. Layla Knows that Im missing Kara. She knows that I need to be left there.
She was okay with Kara, and me, wishing it could be different. She knew Kara well, and occasionally, I can see an Emerald Green in Layla's Eyes.
Ive kept the other Shard ever since, I had it fused into a ring, and I will always carry it...
------End------
Pt. II (http://pokemon-universe.com/index.php/topic,1509.msg27051.html#msg27051)
Please give feedback.
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My god...that was beautiful.
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Thank you, it makes me feel LOTS better to hear that. Anything I can Improve?
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I cant see anything wrong with it.
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I may have to tweak it, Though a small chunck of that actually happened.
Our whole school was devastated.
Names are fake to protect Identities.
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Erhm thats messed up. What part happend?
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Erhm thats messed up. What part happend?
Well, He was well known throughout The entire Area, a Football Star, and one night he was driving, started texting, and...yeah.. There were pics of his car, after the wreck, there wasn't really anything left of it, just Scraps of twisted Metal, Tires... I didn't even wanna know what he looked like coming out of it. I was close to his girlfriend, and she Cried, and was depressed for so long, shes still alive, and talks about him. ...Thats all that actually happened.
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Wow thats so sad :'(
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I know.
You said something...'Messed up'
How?
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This dude is at his prime time foot ball player girl freind well known...then he dies this is a short life and your life is more important than a text.
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Yeah, I know... a single mistake...
[spoiler]I think that its kinda unique, the way Kara commits suicide, she sounds so calm and peaceful.[/spoiler]
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She must have REALLY liked that guy.
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Yeah, she does say that too.
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I haven't removed anything, but Ive added more.
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Wow, that story really got to me. You both must gone through a lot during that time.
P.S. Awesome, the story pwned.
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Great story! I hope you write more of them!
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Great story! I hope you write more of them!
Thanks, I will try to write another soon.
Wow, that story really got to me. You both must gone through a lot during that time.
You are aware, only part of it actually happened...
Erhm thats messed up. What part happend?
Well, He was well known throughout The entire Area, a Football Star, and one night he was driving, started texting, and...yeah.. There were pics of his car, after the wreck, there wasn't really anything left of it, just Scraps of twisted Metal, Tires... I didn't even wanna know what he looked like coming out of it. I was close to his girlfriend, and she Cried, and was depressed for so long, shes still alive, and talks about him. ...Thats all that actually happened.
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Yes i am aware, but its still a good story.
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That's pretty deep.
*Slits wrists*
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That was some srs emo crap going on Declan.
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It was a moving story. I'm sorry to hear what happened at your school. On the fiction part, it's a good story, but in reality, NEVER use the phone while driving.
I'm only slightly confused on one point. When she left the message in your locker, she left the two pieces of shard? Because you then leave one piece with her corpse, and you fused the onther one into a ring... I initially thought that Kara kept one of the shards ???
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It was a moving story. I'm sorry to hear what happened at your school. On the fiction part, it's a good story, but in reality, NEVER EVER!!!! use the phone while driving.
I'm only slightly confused on one point. When she left the message in your locker, she left the two pieces of shard? Because you then leave one piece with her corpse, and you fused the onther one into a ring... I initially thought that Kara kept one of the shards ???
I edited, because I wasnt clear on that, She gave me a shard, after the crash. Then the other one with the note.
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I liked this a lot. It's nice that he gave Kara a shard, because that shows that he really cared about her. It's sad, but the story is geat nonetheless. :)
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It was a moving story. I'm sorry to hear what happened at your school. On the fiction part, it's a good story, but in reality, NEVER EVER!!!! use the phone while driving.
I'm only slightly confused on one point. When she left the message in your locker, she left the two pieces of shard? Because you then leave one piece with her corpse, and you fused the onther one into a ring... I initially thought that Kara kept one of the shards ???
I edited, because I wasnt clear on that, She gave me a shard, after the crash. Then the other one with the note.
Better! Thanks! :)
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Now you get to read Pt II, and soon Pt III.
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Heck you can even write a book :D
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Yes, reading Part II right now.
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Heck you can even write a book :D
That's why Im looking for a Manga Artist, I think it would look awesome.
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Im not sure you can write a MANGA about it. It would get boring eventually.
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It definately wouldn't be a Long Manga, maybe a Short one, I wanted it for the visual aspect of it.
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Oooh~you can even make a anime if its a hit.
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I might not go that far, More like an Anime-Movie. Like Miyazaki-sama
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::) I should have done this long ago, but I re-formatted it.
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Amazing, very sad. Liked it a lot.
Detail was amazing.
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Wow, I am a popular writer?
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Apparently, this seems to be getting alot of attention.
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If I hadn't spread it around to some ppls, it may not have been.
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I would have spotted this thread sooner or later ;)