Great idea. I can definitely tell you've put a lot of work into this. Instead of lazily putting up this idea, you've also backed it up with scientific evidence that could be used to make it real, and given your own example which is also pretty good.

One thing I can tell you to work on is your paragraphs. Instead of just pressing the return key once when you want to start end a paragraph, you can press it twice to give one whole line of gap, which will make it easier to read, and prevent tl;dr e.t.c.

I just got 21.168 seconds... not too bad ^_^

I suscribed ^_^

Quote

I blinked a few times, allowing my eyes adjust to the light of the

i believe it should say "allowing my eyes to adjust to the light"

Quote

The lucky few that had foreseen the earth’s fate and had bunkered underground, and started a civilisation there.

sentence fragment

Fixed. Thanks to everyone for the critisism/praise.

there were i think 2 grammatical errors i found while reading it

Please tell, I can edit it, I won't be able to live without knowing what I spelt wrong lol

Is this to persuade or original writing?
Either way it's very very good, don't know if it was worth an A* (that's my teachers fault for judging things harshly), but very good, a bit short but just the right amount to give a message of slight hope and love, I believe that this story although doesn't mention it, it is about these things if you look beyond what your told (also war and hatred ofcouse )

While not A* for just a writing piece, it was originally meant for a speaking assessment, so I had a couple of minutes to read it out, and I managed to do that with very limited notes, so that was what got me the mark.

I think it was mostly original writing, but we had to do a persuasion piece in line with the curriculum.

Pokemon World Online 

hmmm why play Halo when Call of Duty exists??
Although, I have to admit forge is pretty jokes.

Because, in my opinion, Halo 3 is better than any of the Call of Duty series.

I will tell you why.

Firstly, in CoD, anyone can kill anyone. All it takes is a couple of shots because the guns were so poweful, so you get killed by noobs all the time, whereas in Halo, if a noob came up to be firing his gun, I'd rape him (probably jump over and assassinate, or no scope with sniper if I had one).
Halo 3 requires skill to play well.

Secondly, the campaign. The CoD campaign has no real playback value, but Halo 3 has skulls and terminals to collect, and four different difficulties, as well as vidmaster achievements. CoD holds no real value for someone who doesn't have Xbox LIVE.

Thirdly, the matchmaking. CoD has less "playlists" and the spawn system is completely broken. Also, the variety in gameplay in Halo definitely trumps Call of Duty And, Halo has vehicles. Flying ones too.

Fourthly, the features. Halo has theatre mode, forge, better maps, more customizable gametypes and far different guns.

With the addition of Halo 3: ODST the gap between the Halo franchise and CoD has increased, with Halo coming out front.

Sorry, but I couldn't just stand there and listen to someone insult one of the best games ever.