The Fearrow in the Fissure/Chain

[Frenchfry]

Graaaaah…. This is mine second attempt at making a quest. Last one didn’t get enough publicity for me to tell if it was good or bad, but apparently that guy with the “You’re Adopted!” Picture liked it. This time I also actually READ the guidelines, so no legendaries are in this one!

Reccomended level: 30+
Enviroment: Forest. (Wait, Unbreakable... I DID say if it was in the woods! Read the first sentence!)
Reward: 1x Ultra Ball, 300poke (...We're still using 'poke' as the currency in PU, right?)
NPCs: Robert, Fearrow

Anyway, the trigger for the quest to begin is in the middle of a forest. As you’re walking through, you come to a giant fissure with something sparkling at the bottom. Pressing the  action button here will bring up a box that says “You see something glowing at the bottom, but can’t quite make it out. Lean forward for a better look (Quest Initiative)? [Yes] [No]

So you select ‘Yes’, and as you look down into the fissure, a Pikachu jumps on your head to get across, and you fall in shortly afterwards. At the bottom of the hole, you find out that the shiny object was a fork. Disappointing, yes, but that’s okay, because now you’re trapped at the bottom of a giant hole! So you look around for a bit, when a giant Onix bores through the wall and almost crashes into you, when someone pulls you out of the way.

After scolding you for being stupid for falling in, he introduces himself as Robert. He says that he’s been looking for his Fearrow since an Ursurang tackled it into the fissure about a day ago. Obviously, this triggers your interest, because a Fearrow could get you out of there. So, you look around for a while with Robert, during which time any random encounters will be a double battle, and eventually you find his Fearrow. As you approach it, the ground rumbles, and a Steelix bursts out of the wall and knocks Robert into the wall, keeping him from helping you fight it. So you fight off the Steelix, and you get his Fearrow back, which, to your dismay, is too injured to fly.

Robert puts his Fearrow snugly in its pokeball, and you help him back to where you fell in. He says that he came prepared, and fires a flare gun into the sky. Moments later, a ladder gets thrown to you and you climb up. At the top, several people all dressed in assortments of red are surrounding the hole. Robert introduces them as his clan, and tells you that they were combing the forest for the egg  nest of a rare pokemon. He also says that you are welcome to join them at any time, though their search hasn’t been going very well. Afterwards, you gain access to the clan’s camp, which has a fairly long chain of tedious quests, at the end of which, you are granted an egg that will later hatch into a rare pokemon. Which pokemon exactly I’m not sure. Perhaps one of the starter pokemon?
http://rubbishcarrot.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d2thys1
Deviantart wouldn't let me post this on the forum, so here's the link. Someone please help me figure out two things:
1) How does I post picture with new deviantart?
2) Is it healthy to have drawing skills this bad?

[laliel]

nice quest 

[Frenchfry]

nice quest 

I appreciate the compliment, but it doesn't help much if you don't point out any flaws/things that could be improved in the quest.

[LeoReborn]

I liked that you went Through A lot to explain the details.

However, You didnt exactly tell us where it was, If its in the woods, Which town are you heading for? Also, the quest chain, there should be at least a small reward each, Money, items, etc.

Describing whats in the camp, Buildings, people, etc. you need to do more of that.

Beyond that, well done.

[Frenchfry]

I liked that you went Through A lot to explain the details.

However, You didnt exactly tell us where it was, If its in the woods, Which town are you heading for? Also, the quest chain, there should be at least a small reward each, Money, items, etc.

Describing whats in the camp, Buildings, people, etc. you need to do more of that.

Beyond that, well done.

Well, I can't say what town we're headed for, or 'where it was', aside from the enviroment. I have no idea what the PU map is going to look like. As for everything else, I'm gonna go add that right now. Thanks.

[LeoReborn]

Describing whats in the camp, Buildings, people, etc. Still not seeing the camp in detail
 

[Frenchfry]

Unbreakable, I am going to post a picture I hand-drew to show the basic layout of the camp. When you see this picture, you are going to understand why I write words instead of draw pictures. I am doing this because describing what a town looks like is boring and confusing to write and to read.

[Jerry]

Um... this Pikachu does seem to come out from nowhere randomly... or is it waiting for someone to look into that fissure to throw people in .

If I understood, well, the Onix belongs to Robert? And is out of its pokeball, and Robert is unable to order it to attack the Steelix?

[LeoReborn]

Graaaaah…. This is mine second attempt at making a quest. Last one didn’t get enough publicity for me to tell if it was good or bad, but apparently that guy with the “You’re Adopted!” Picture liked it. This time I also actually READ the guidelines, so no legendaries are in this one!

Reccomended level: 30+
Enviroment: Forest. (Wait, Unbreakable... I DID say if it was in the woods! Read the first sentence!)
Reward: 1x Ultra Ball, 300poke (...We're still using 'poke' as the currency in PU, right?)
NPCs: Robert, Fearrow

Anyway, the trigger for the quest to begin is in the middle of a forest. As you’re walking through, you come to a giant fissure with something sparkling at the bottom. Pressing the  action button here will bring up a box that says “You see something glowing at the bottom, but can’t quite make it out. Lean forward for a better look (Quest Initiative)? [Yes] [No]

So you select ‘Yes’, and as you look down into the fissure, a Pikachu jumps on your head to get across, and you fall in shortly afterwards. At the bottom of the hole, you find out that the shiny object was a fork. Disappointing, yes, but that’s okay, because now you’re trapped at the bottom of a giant hole! So you look around for a bit, when a giant Onix bores through the wall and almost crashes into you, when someone pulls you out of the way.

After scolding you for being stupid for falling in, he introduces himself as Robert. He says that he’s been looking for his Fearrow since an Ursurang tackled it into the fissure about a day ago. Obviously, this triggers your interest, because a Fearrow could get you out of there. So, you look around for a while with Robert, during which time any random encounters will be a double battle, and eventually you find his Fearrow. As you approach it, the ground rumbles, and a Steelix bursts out of the wall and knocks Robert into the wall, keeping him from helping you fight it. So you fight off the Steelix, and you get his Fearrow back, which, to your dismay, is too injured to fly.

Robert puts his Fearrow snugly in its pokeball, and you help him back to where you fell in. He says that he came prepared, and fires a flare gun into the sky. Moments later, a ladder gets thrown to you and you climb up. At the top, several people all dressed in assortments of red are surrounding the hole. Robert introduces them as his clan, and tells you that they were combing the forest for the egg  nest of a rare pokemon. He also says that you are welcome to join them at any time, though their search hasn’t been going very well. Afterwards, you gain access to the clan’s camp, which has a fairly long chain of tedious quests, at the end of which, you are granted an egg that will later hatch into a rare pokemon. Which pokemon exactly I’m not sure. Perhaps one of the starter pokemon?
http://rubbishcarrot.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d2thys1
Deviantart wouldn't let me post this on the forum, so here's the link. Someone please help me figure out two things:
1) How does I post picture with new deviantart?
2) Is it healthy to have drawing skills this bad?

I dont know about 1), but
2) You are Doing fine, My drawing skills are terrible, Chickenscratch terrible.

Also, I had trouble viewing the image, It loaded Great, But if it were bigger I might be able to give better feedback. Try resizing it.

[Frenchfry]

Have you even been on deviantart? You click on it to see the full size.