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Author Topic: Two Become One (Shards Pt. III)  (Read 10306 times)

Offline LeoReborn

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Re: Two Become One (Shards Pt. III)
« Reply #15 on: August 13, 2010, 04:36:48 AM »
PART 3 ALREADY?

Whatcha Mean, "Already"?

It took like a week to write whole thing!! (Well, I will check to be accurate)
By loving so many, I have touched their lives and helped them rebirth as well. To be strong is to instill strength in another.

Offline UnationConsideration

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Re: Two Become One (Shards Pt. III)
« Reply #16 on: August 13, 2010, 04:37:55 AM »
Its been like a hour and a half
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Offline LeoReborn

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Re: Two Become One (Shards Pt. III)
« Reply #17 on: August 13, 2010, 04:44:57 AM »

1: I meant The trilogy
2: I said I had Pt III already in meh head, just needed to type it.
3: August 10th was Pt I
By loving so many, I have touched their lives and helped them rebirth as well. To be strong is to instill strength in another.

Offline Declan_23

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Re: Two Become One (Shards Pt. III)
« Reply #18 on: August 13, 2010, 08:16:10 PM »
I'm not gonna lie, I liked the first part more than the last two.
Although, this is probably because I prefer realistic stories without magic and such.
Not to put you down though, everybody else seems to like it :D

Offline LeoReborn

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Re: Two Become One (Shards Pt. III)
« Reply #19 on: August 14, 2010, 03:13:21 AM »
I hate to admit it, but I thought They got worse as they went.
By loving so many, I have touched their lives and helped them rebirth as well. To be strong is to instill strength in another.

Offline Eulogy

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Re: Two Become One (Shards Pt. III)
« Reply #20 on: August 14, 2010, 07:43:50 AM »
I like stories with dialogue, fav so far!
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Offline Jerry

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Re: Two Become One (Shards Pt. III)
« Reply #21 on: August 14, 2010, 06:56:45 PM »
Well, this is turning into what I feared. I didn't tell it explicitly the last time, by saying 'Kara has an interesint character' (or similar, I don't quite remember exactly, and not much time to go look back). She seems to have something like 'evil' in her which is growing very very slowly.

First, she didn't know anyone but Leo.
She was disappointed by the answer of Leo. She perhaps took it the hard way round.
She thought that she would be relieved with the one she loved next, and did everything to be with him again, thinking that she would be happy.
But then, she realised it was a mistake, and tries to come back to Leo (by all means again), manages to convince Leo, without showing him consequences of his actions. (well, it is always said that if someone tries to break the frontier between the living and the dead, serious consequences will occur, like some sort of gate was opened for evil spirits)
In the final part, she enters the body of a girl, Layla and it seems that her plan is to take control of her slowly, until she gets total control over Layla.

Just some speculation from my part, of how I'm seeing it coming, how I might turn the story if I were to continue the story ;)
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Offline LeoReborn

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Re: Two Become One (Shards Pt. III)
« Reply #22 on: August 15, 2010, 02:35:14 AM »
Thats not what I Intended.....
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Offline Jerry

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Re: Two Become One (Shards Pt. III)
« Reply #23 on: August 15, 2010, 11:50:43 AM »
Yes, sorry I let myself go a little astray. This is what I came up with and as I said, it's complete speculation. It might not be what you intended to. Don't take it badly, your story is good, it's just that I have this little ability to try to come up with a different way of interpreting stories if only part of it was told. Don't stop because I said those, what you wrote were wonderful! And if you 'force' me into one 'way' the story is going, I won't get the change to make such speculations :)
No one can go back and change a bad beginning; but anyone can start now and create a successful ending.
If a problem can be solved, no need to worry about it. If it cannot be solved what is the use of worrying?

Currently playing Pokemon XY/ORAS/Shuffle and Clash of Clans and testing out PokemonRevolutionOnline and Dragonmon Hunter....
Also, forum notification emails are not getting in my inbox... again...

Offline LeoReborn

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Re: Two Become One (Shards Pt. III)
« Reply #24 on: August 15, 2010, 03:54:09 PM »
Yes, sorry I let myself go a little astray. This is what I came up with and as I said, it's complete speculation. It might not be what you intended to. Don't take it badly, your story is good, it's just that I have this little ability to try to come up with a different way of interpreting stories if only part of it was told. Don't stop because I said those, what you wrote were wonderful! And if you 'force' me into one 'way' the story is going, I won't get the change to make such speculations :)

Its unlikely that I will add anymore to this series, not because of what you said, Jerry, but for the reason, I already decided I wont elaborate on this Series further.

However, I may begin something else, so keep an eye open.
By loving so many, I have touched their lives and helped them rebirth as well. To be strong is to instill strength in another.

Offline Eulogy

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Re: Two Become One (Shards Pt. III)
« Reply #25 on: August 16, 2010, 04:07:18 AM »
I will keep an eye open! I love your stories! =D
Love the person, hate the sin.

Offline Frenchfry

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Re: Two Become One (Shards Pt. III)
« Reply #26 on: August 22, 2010, 11:57:56 PM »
There is a severe lack of explosions here. We are not amused.

Anyways, the speech format made this installment 2076% easier to read. I don't, however, think that the *two becoming one* concept was built upon enough. I mean, just like that, she agreed to have a long-dead girl's soul coexist in her body?
Let me expand on this:
We humans are very dark creatures. We think, do, and say things that would make Virgin Mary roll over in her grave. Hell, someone had access to my innermost thoughts, and could, if they wanted, make me tell people them, nobody would ever speak to me again. Our minds, stupid as it may sound, are our only rightful and unbreakable vaults. Even the sweetest little child has thoughts hidden in there that would make grandmothers cry, and they have a right to keep those to themselves.

With your writing skill, I'm sure you can gloss over this with a little effort, though.

Offline LeoReborn

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Re: Two Become One (Shards Pt. III)
« Reply #27 on: August 24, 2010, 03:31:59 AM »
Its a LOVE Story. If you want Explosions, Watch The 2nd Transformers Movie.

Im not altering it so you can amuse yourself via "Visualing someone Exploding"
By loving so many, I have touched their lives and helped them rebirth as well. To be strong is to instill strength in another.

Offline Frenchfry

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Re: Two Become One (Shards Pt. III)
« Reply #28 on: August 24, 2010, 03:38:49 AM »
Its a LOVE Story. If you want Explosions, Watch The 2nd Transformers Movie.

Im not altering it so you can amuse yourself via "Visualing someone Exploding"
...You... know I was joking about that part... right?

Offline LeoReborn

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Re: Two Become One (Shards Pt. III)
« Reply #29 on: August 24, 2010, 03:43:25 AM »
Its a LOVE Story. If you want Explosions, Watch The 2nd Transformers Movie.

Im not altering it so you can amuse yourself via "Visualing someone Exploding"
...You... know I was joking about that part... right?

*Another Kunai Hits a Tree Near Fry* Yeah, I know.

Speaking of Explosions, It seems I keep buying Paperbombs, instead of Regular Paper. Go Figure.....So, Yeah.... *boom*
By loving so many, I have touched their lives and helped them rebirth as well. To be strong is to instill strength in another.