Pokemon Universe MMORPG
Creative Discussions => Fan Fiction & Writing => Topic started by: Cincy on March 30, 2014, 06:42:41 PM
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from more then 30 Years ago on the Mountain there live a Miltank with magical abilities there can give a human back to the life. 1 Year later the Mountain Crashed and The Miltank Run for hes live but in vain she Fall down from the Mauntain and get hurt 1 day there come a Old Human called Zumi he taked the Miltank back to hes farm but after 12 year the old man Die the Miltank goes to his room and give him a drink of the milk and so after 1 hour the man wake up agian and so from that day the man and the Miltank live together to to the end
(http://www.pokemon-universe.com/profile_pictures/101863_1396197690_thumb.JPG)
a story maked by my fantazy i hope you all understand =3
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Wow....well ignoring all the grammatical error it's a cute story.
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This is the shortest short story I've read since kindergarten.
What exactly are you attempting to do here? I honestly don't get the point of this story, or why it was written.
Until I know what you were trying to do, the only criticism I can offer is that you need to improve your grammar and punctuation, and add some depth and detail. It just isn't interesting if it's this short and straightforward.
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Dam toast way to make a person cry. I mean ur right but just dam.
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I hope you're kidding Humen. The questions I asked were honest questions; I was serious. I could have said much worse than that if I wanted to insult Cincy.
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Yeah, that was rude, what if her native language isn't English? Mean! >:U
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Yeah, I'm not fussing at you or anything like that, because while it may have been hard for you to read due to a lack of proper grammar, you could have addressed it a bit more politely. Just please be a bit more careful on how you talk to others, and always check over what you wrote before you post to ensure that your tone isn't insulting or aggressive.
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Yeah, I'm not fussing at you or anything like that, because while it may have been hard for you to read due to a lack of proper grammar, you could have addressed it a bit more politely. Just please be a bit more careful on how you talk to others, and always check over what you wrote before you post to ensure that your tone isn't insulting or aggressive.
This. ^
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Short and cute. Grammar aside, I happen to like it. Just keep practicing, and I want to see more elaborate stories later on.
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I honestly don't see how I was being rude :|
Okay, maybe the kindergarten thing was unnecessary, but I didn't mean it as an insult. That was just a comment about the length, it didn't really have much to do with what I thought of the quality of the story. That's why I gave my opinions and criticisms below that.
It may seem like my post has a negative tone, but that's not how I intended it. When I give criticism, I get straight to the point. Sugar-coating my opinions is a waste of my time, and a waste of the other person's time.
The tone is what you interpret it as, unless the poster let's you know what they intended it to be. As a general rule, if I see a post that seems like it's meant to have a negative tone, I read over it a few more times to make sure I'm interpreting it correctly. It's important to do this on the internet, since there's no body language or tone of voice to go off of. If I'm still not sure, I simply take a neutral approach. By neutral, I mean that I disregard the "tone" entirely. So if I'm being criticized on something, I just look at the criticism on a basic level and move on. For example, if somebody says that I have to work on my spelling, but they say it in a way that seems like they may be trying to be insulting, I just forget about anything other than "You should work on your spelling."
I probably did too much explaining there, but I want to make sure this doesn't turn into one of those threads that goes on for three pages where everyone is trying to explain exactly what they meant.
Just please be a bit more careful on how you talk to others, and always check over what you wrote before you post to ensure that your tone isn't insulting or aggressive.
But how do you ensure that? A comment can be interpreted in too many different ways. For example, I could interpret the comment as an honest request, or I could interpret it as a comment intended to offend me. The latter interpretation is extreme, but I have met people that I could actually see interpreting it that way.
Cincy can choose to listen to my criticism or ignore it if she feels that I'm wrong, or if she feels like she's being insulted. This shouldn't be a big deal. I offered my opinion, but I'm just some random guy on the internet that can easily be ignored.
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But how do you ensure that? A comment can be interpreted in too many different ways. For example, I could interpret the comment as an honest request, or I could interpret it as a comment intended to offend me. The latter interpretation is extreme, but I have met people that I could actually see interpreting it that way.
You just try to leave out comments that sound insulting all together. Try to be more like Cortex's post. If you like a certain part of it then mention it and maybe tell them to elaborate on it a bit more and to try and fix up their grammar and spelling.
The main problem was the kindergarten comment. Thats where your post got the insulting tone to it.
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Yeah, again, the kindergarten thing was just a random comment about the length of the story; it was not intended as an insult. My actual opinions were below that.
Oh well. I suppose I've derailed the thread enough, I'll just leave now.
EDIT: Also, I wasn't seriously asking how to ensure that your tone isn't negative, I was just using that to further explain the point I was trying to make.
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If I may:
@Toasty, I understand that you didn't intend to offend anyone but the thing I picked up was that you asked WHY Cincy had written the piece where it is perfectly understandable that he/she (I'm not too sure) intended to share a story. Even Shakespeare wrote kindergarten pieces once.
But back on topic.
@Cincy, it IS quite short but shows a general morale which is great, touch up on your grammar and spelling and BAM you'll be a Cortex in no time ;3
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If I may:
@Toasty, I understand that you didn't intend to offend anyone but the thing I picked up was that you asked WHY Cincy had written the piece where it is perfectly understandable that he/she (I'm not too sure) intended to share a story. Even Shakespeare wrote kindergarten pieces once.
That's not what I meant when I asked that. I definitely could have said that better. Basically, what all of my questions were asking was what exactly the story was intended to be. Was it intended to be just a short story? Did she intend to expand on it, and maybe write some sort of second chapter? Is it supposed to be just, as the title implies, a short and simple legend; or did she want to make it into something more?
Again, that kindergarten comment was not comparing her writing to that of a kindergartner, it was just a comment about the length of it. It was neither a negative nor a positive comment.
Yes, Shakespeare "wrote kindergarten pieces once." I realize that, which is why I bothered to give constructive criticism. If I didn't realize that, I would not have provided criticism, or even posted for that matter.
And I'm back in this thread again... I'm seriously leaving this time.
Also, the "tone" of this post is completely neutral. Until I get better at using my words, I'll just include that.
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Thats enough talk on this.
Locked.