Pokemon Universe MMORPG
Creative Discussions => Fan Fiction & Writing => Topic started by: Hiccup_Hero on March 04, 2012, 08:11:47 PM
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Here is one of my Story's.
The City within a House
Munch winced as the blades of light punctured the great hole in the sky and cast his city into a radiance he hadn’t seen for twelve elf years. Gazing at it with awe, he dressed and left the room. On his balcony he looked over the city he loved and controlled, the city made for him by the Great Giants in the sky. Standing there below the slowly advancing light, he became aware of how little he knew of the outside world beyond his beautiful city. The world the Giants ruled. But he quickly discarded the thought; no one leaves or enters the city that was its one rule.
Captured by the city’s wondrous beauty, he forgot the time.
“Great Giants,” he gasped, “I’m almost an hour late!”
Grasping his brief case, he hopped down the stairs and raced out of his door. His driver waited impatiently outside.
“Did your alarm clock not go off this morning sir?” he asked grumpily. Without expecting an answer he said, “Hop in.”
Jumping into the car, he said “Geoffrey, why do you always have to be so grumpy? It’s the first time in 12 years that the light has hit our city! It’s a joyous occasion.”
Geoffrey didn’t say a word. Munch shrugged, he could tell he wasn’t going to make Geoffrey happy so he left the topic and signalled for Geoffrey to drive off.
They drove through the city’s suburbs, on its busy roads and past its towering flats. They were heading to the city centre for the Ritual. This was the first Ritual Munch was going to direct and it could also be his last. Pulling up towards the city centre, Munch saw the frustrated faces of others in charge. He was really late. Running up the steps to the podium, he glanced at the clock. “Great Giants,” he mumbled as there were only a few minutes to go. He reached the top of the podium with just enough time.
“Welcome all to the great even-“
Beep Beep, Beep Beep, everyone looked up, the Ritual had begun. Staring upwards Munch saw the overwhelming shadow of a Giant. It grunted struggling with something over its head, with one large grunt it stopped struggling and a large shadow fell from the sky. The city was shrouded in darkness. Munch quivered.
“Oh sorry,” the giant mumbled and the city was light again.
Munch looked upon his people in the same way they looked upon him, with his mouth agape and completely unaware of what happened. There was a creaking sound and the sky parted in a long slender shape which the Giant then walked through. The Ritual was at an end. Along with Munch’s job as Mayor.
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This is just an observation, i havent readed it but i will after this... shouldnt you have posted this in the Fan Fiction & Writing section?
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Yeah looks like it lol sorry didn't know we had one if those sorry :/
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thats ok, dont worry about it
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So aqua what do you think?
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Here is one of my Story's.
The City within a House
Munch winced as the blades of light punctured the great hole in the sky and cast his city into a radiance he hadn’t seen for twelve elf years. Gazing at it with awe, he dressed and left the room. On his balcony he looked over the city he loved and controlled, the city made for him by the Great Giants in the sky. Standing there below the slowly advancing light, he became aware of how little he knew of the outside world beyond his beautiful city. The world the Giants ruled. But he quickly discarded the thought; no one leaves or enters the city that was its one rule.
Captured by the city’s wondrous beauty, he forgot the time.
“Great Giants,” he gasped, “I’m almost an hour late!”
Grasping his brief case, he hopped down the stairs and raced out of his door. His driver waited impatiently outside.
“Did your alarm clock not go off this morning sir?” he asked grumpily. Without expecting an answer he said, “Hop in.”
Jumping into the car, he said “Geoffrey, why do you always have to be so grumpy? It’s the first time in 12 years that the light has hit our city! It’s a joyous occasion.”
Geoffrey didn’t say a word. Munch shrugged, he could tell he wasn’t going to make Geoffrey happy so he left the topic and signalled for Geoffrey to drive off.
They drove through the city’s suburbs, on its busy roads and past its towering flats. They were heading to the city centre for the Ritual. This was the first Ritual Munch was going to direct and it could also be his last. Pulling up towards the city centre, Munch saw the frustrated faces of others in charge. He was really late. Running up the steps to the podium, he glanced at the clock. “Great Giants,” he mumbled as there were only a few minutes to go. He reached the top of the podium with just enough time.
“Welcome all to the great even-“
Beep Beep, Beep Beep, everyone looked up, the Ritual had begun. Staring upwards Munch saw the overwhelming shadow of a Giant. It grunted struggling with something over its head, with one large grunt it stopped struggling and a large shadow fell from the sky. The city was shrouded in darkness. Munch quivered.
“Oh sorry,” the giant mumbled and the city was light again.
Munch looked upon his people in the same way they looked upon him, with his mouth agape and completely unaware of what happened. There was a creaking sound and the sky parted in a long slender shape which the Giant then walked through. The Ritual was at an end. Along with Munch’s job as Mayor.
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Not bad, but you can still improve on. Well, there is the plot, only thing is that I'd like to hear more about it. Something I didn't get the opportunity to in your excerpt.
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Well since Aqua didn't respond, I will.
I thought it was great. The story was nice and it had an interesting end. The descriptive language was nice too.
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Oh... hmm, could someone merge this thread and that (http://pokemon-universe.com/index.php/topic,4251.0.html) one?
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Done.
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Thanks! :)