Pokemon Universe MMORPG
Creative Discussions => Fan Fiction & Writing => Topic started by: DarK_SouL on November 07, 2010, 02:51:19 AM
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“OK but... I think that I got a better idea. Kinda similar but better.”
I took something... a potion outta my pocket. I opened the top.
“Augh. That smells bad. My friend said it was special. I dunno what he meant, but it's worth a shot.”
I poured it on the bars, and they strongly weakened, but they didn't break.
“No! Well, I think I have another idea This has gotta work”
I took out one of my spare Pokeballs, I backed up and threw it at the weakened bars, had it broke?
"It worked! YES!”
Me and...
“Hey I don't even know your name?”
“Adam.”
“Alright, cool, I'm Matt.”
“Either way, we gotta go find Ash amd the leader, this place is gonna be hard, getting our way through will be harder then you can imagine.”
They set off, and as Adam had said it was, one of the most difficult things they had even done.
“How did they even set this place up?”
“I don't directly know, but I assume they're are four floors, and the final floor, is where the Admins and leaders are.”
“Well do you know where we are now?”
“Hm, it looks like we are in the bottom floor at the Pokemon Center, at the front when you come in.”
“Alright, we have to find our Pokeballs before we get outta here though.”
“Follow me, I think I know where they put them, no one really knows about it...”
Adam hit the 7th safe then the 3rd safe then the 13th safe with his fist then the huge wall of safe turned into a huge door that opened.
“Woah!”
“The safe are all their Pokemon that the leader is ready to give Team Sky in emergency, they are very strong, and thats why this room is off limits to people. But in case anybody gets down here, they still don't want any one to get to their Top Secret Files, they keep all the important things.”
“Wait, all these Safes have Pokemon! They're are like 20 Safes here! Where did they get these?”
“Well you know how they took everyone's Pokemon?”
“Yep, you know how we are only allowed two Pokemon? Well, everyone’s other Pokemon were brought here. So in case an intruder comes and when they do dirty work, they use these.”
“Well it is Team Sky we are talking about... also though what do you mean Secret Files?”
“I dunno exactly, but I heard one of their member mutter something to the effect of 'The files are plans to capture Rayquaza, they've all failed, but soon we will initiate “Plan Decoy”.
“Then he said that Plan Decoy was so secret only the leader knows it.”
“Alright, I have an idea, lets take all these Pokemon, and go farther in. Then after this we can get on with the Journey.”
“Right, wait what are these?”
Adam opened a Golden safe with 5 purple Pokeballs with a capital M on the front.
“Hm, Master Balls. They must be special Pokemon.”
“We should take these also, they might need these.”
They took all the Pokeballs
“Alright, here are yours Matt, Flygon, Gengar, Munchlax, Luxray and Scizor.”
“And mi... Someone is coming!”
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Okay, the first part was somewhat difficult to understand...
and from the part 3, I thought their pokeballs were nearby on a table or something?
I'm just trying to keep all the parts together, your work remains your work and I like it :)
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The first part of this? As in first paragraph? Or the first part altogether?
Basically in the first paragraph:
1. Matt gets the idea to pour a potion on the bars.
2. Since no one has ever tried this, apparently something in the potion weakens the bars
3. It smells bad because Pokemon drink it, and no one has probably tried to smell it before
4. It didn't quite finish the bars, but he tried Adam's idea with the pokeball.
5. Because the bars were weakened already the metal pokeballs force finished the bars.
6. Matt cannot tell if it has broken yet...
7. In the new paragraph, he figures out that they have.
If you still don't understand, just tell me what doesn't make sense?
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Ah! Okay. It were the words that made it quite confusing. I try to picture everything and the words you used were somehow contributing to a strange scene, lol.
"and they strongly weakened, but they didn't break. "
Contradiction here? Strongly weakened... 'and they appeared to be much weaker' would perhaps be better.
"had it broke?"
If that's a slang phrase, I didn't understand it. I would have rather thought of something like 'did it break?' or better; 'did it really break?'
"Me and... "
Is that supposed to be part of a conversation? I don't know...
"Adam hit the 7th safe then the 3rd safe then the 13th safe with his fist then the huge wall of safe turned into a huge door that opened."
Would safes really break open upon a punch? Or Adam is THAT strong? :P
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Ah! Okay. It were the words that made it quite confusing. I try to picture everything and the words you used were somehow contributing to a strange scene, lol.
"and they strongly weakened, but they didn't break. "
Contradiction here? Strongly weakened... 'and they appeared to be much weaker' would perhaps be better.
"had it broke?"
If that's a slang phrase, I didn't understand it. I would have rather thought of something like 'did it break?' or better; 'did it really break?'
"Me and... "
Is that supposed to be part of a conversation? I don't know...
"Adam hit the 7th safe then the 3rd safe then the 13th safe with his fist then the huge wall of safe turned into a huge door that opened."
Would safes really break open upon a punch? Or Adam is THAT strong? :P
Ah! Okay. It were the words that made it quite confusing. I try to picture everything and the words you used were somehow contributing to a strange scene, lol.
"and they strongly weakened, but they didn't break. "
Contradiction here? Strongly weakened... 'and they appeared to be much weaker' would perhaps be better.
"had it broke?"
If that's a slang phrase, I didn't understand it. I would have rather thought of something like 'did it break?' or better; 'did it really break?'
"Me and... "
Is that supposed to be part of a conversation? I don't know...
"Adam hit the 7th safe then the 3rd safe then the 13th safe with his fist then the huge wall of safe turned into a huge door that opened."
Would safes really break open upon a punch? Or Adam is THAT strong? :P
About the safes, it was kinda like entering a password.
He was going to say me and Adam, but he didn't know his name yet.
Had it broke is just he didn't know yet.
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If the bars were weak enough that simply throwing a small, six ounce ball at them could cause them to break, then couldn't they have just kicked the bars out?
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Hey, don't bring your "Sense" into this! But yes your right, didn't really think of that.
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can't wait for the next part!!!