Pokemon Universe MMORPG
Pokémon Universe => Ideas & Suggestions => Pokedex Entries => Topic started by: Desbear on February 23, 2014, 06:18:00 AM
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Pokemon #225, Delibird, The Delivery Pokemon.
Intro: Delibird is one of the oddest pokemon to date. Delibird is, as his name states, a bird, of course. The Delibird species was first discovered when a hiker, of unknown name, was brought some food by the bird pokemon. The bird carried the food in a small bag. It is thought that the pokemon was using his Signature move then, named present. The bird pokemon has most likely changed over the years, but the species we have now walks on two legs, and has two arms for wings. Its body is mostly red, with a spot of White on its stomach. Similar to the white on its stomach, it has a white mask-light appearance, with his beak and large eye's on it. The bird is almost never seen without its bag, so its unlikely they wont know present when you encounter one.
Diet: Delibird's have been known to eat a variety of things, but the most common are various berries.
Habitat: Delibird's live mostly in mountain area's, creating nests near cliff's more often than not. A notable area where we've seen Delibirds is mount Everest.
Biology:The Delibird Species is a very odd one. A lot of people speculate that Delibird's give people the food it cannot digest, as it hates to waste food. But after several tests, it was found this was not the case. A delibird can digest near anything, but it enjoys giving food to those in need. The species of delibird we know today, can be of either gender. Generally they have red bodies, with a white mask like feature. I say generally, because there have been sightings of pure red Delibirds recorded, but not very often. They have feat similar to other birds, except it only has two points, Splitting down the middle. It has a light yellow beak that pierces through the 'mask', and two very large eye's.
Pokemon League Commission notes: As they seem to inhabit mountains, and some regions have more mountains than in other regions, the classification has been a bit different for each region, but they are normally D class, not strict guidelines.
I made up a bit of things to make it a bit more interesting, so, I'll remove them if I have to. But I'm very pleased with how this came out, after looking back at how quickly I whipped this one up.
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Ah, Delibird. My girlfriend will be dissappointed that this one is done alread :p anyways,
I wouldn't use the "Delibird is odd" statement twice in the same entry. It feels a bit uninspired.
I could point out lots of things that I would do differently, but seeing as I'm not any kind of authority here, I won't. You've done a decent job.
Maybe dig a bit more into the presents. You say Delibird is a pokemon that likes to share food, and this is true. The pokedex also says so, so I can hardly argue with that. However, the move present is an explosive, so that hardly seems friendly. This move only heals the opponent as a random fault, maybe this is because Delibird cannot help itself being friendly? :p It's friendly to a fault ;D
Also a general question: Do we want to reference IRL locations such as Mount Everest? because I've avoided doing that up until now.
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I'm going to agree with fuzzy. Sick with general descriptions for locations. Also, watch for repetition. I like the concept, it just needs a little polishing.
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Gonna polish it up in a bit, but I would like to say, I took the Mt. Everest thing from bulbapedia, but okie dokie.
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It doesn't seem to flow very well, you could probably rewrite and merge a few sentences. And as the others said, it was a little repetitious. Other than that, it's decent.
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This is a nice entry, but it still needs some work. Would you like me to help you make an improved version? You provided a lot of good information! Very well inspired, but the text needs some caressing before it can be approved.
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This appears to be abandoned so I'll improve it myself.