dutch poem: liefdesverdriet

[zylonnick]

I wrote this poem about 2 years ago, after the girl I was secretly in love with (Lien), Moved to the other side of the country. If you have some ideas how to improve my writing, let me know. Here it is:



Hoe ik naar je verlang
krijg ik niet in woorden uitgedrukt
Had ik mijn lichaam maar in bedwang
en was mijn hart maar niet door angst onderdrukt.

Ik verdrink in je prachtige ogen,
hemelsblauw en levendig als een rivier
Door deze worden ik aangezogen
want ik ben als een dronkaard met jouw liefde als mijn bier

Nu ben je weg en het doet zo'n pijn
want ik verdwijn in de anonimiteit
van je verleden, wat heb ik zo'n spijt
Mijn liefste Lien, ben ik je voorgoed kwijt?

[PowerPoke]

Mmmm... I think this is the translation!

If I only had the courage
 to tell you
 But my fear had influenced me
 let me always defer

 How I wish for you
 I can not express in words
 I had my body in check
 and I left it by heart, but fear not oppress

 Now you're gone and it hurts
 because I disappear into anonymity
 of your past, what have I so sorry
 Lien My darling, I lost you forever?

[zylonnick]

Did you use Google translate or what? It isn't the same. I'll try to translate it.

how ?eager? I am for you
I can't express it in words
I wish I had my body under control
and that my heart wasn't surpressed by fear

I drown in your beautiful eyes
blue like heaven and vivid like a river
I get ?sucked in? by these
because I'm a drunk and your love is my beer

Now you're gone and it hurts so much
because I dissapear in the anonimity
of your past, I have so much regrets
My dear Lien, did I lose you forever? 

[PowerPoke]

Yeah I did use Google translate! I have a question.. Does  German=Dutch? I get confuzzled with that >.<

Btw, Thats a sad song. (Sad as in  ) I experianced something like you! In primary school I fell in love with someone. (MADLY in love) But they went to a different high school to me.  I got over it though. (After about 1 week)

[zylonnick]

dutch is the language of the Netherlands and 1 of the languages of Belgium (my country).
It was much more than a cruch to me, I needed a year to really get over her. Now, I still have trouble to talk to random girls, but I can gather my courage because of what happened in the past. All thanks to her.

This was the first version I wrote, but I found the edited version so I'm gonna edit my first post. 

[PowerPoke]

Ahhh... So girls are not pathetic excuses and DNA failures! I always had grudges against girls... THIS STORY IS ACTUALLY TRUE.

I was drawing a picture of a flower in year 3, and a STUPID girl came up to me and coloured my flower in purple. I wanted YELLOW. NOT PURPLE. So I ripped the drawing and ran out... In reception (Baby year) I was cooking (On a pretend stove) and a girl threw a plastic pepper at me 

And thats why I have grudges against girls. 

And fat people... But I'll tell you that story another day.

[zylonnick]

Ahhh... So girls are not pathetic excuses and DNA failures! I always had grudges against girls... THIS STORY IS ACTUALLY TRUE.

I was drawing a picture of a flower in year 3, and a STUPID girl came up to me and coloured my flower in purple. I wanted YELLOW. NOT PURPLE. So I ripped the drawing and ran out... In reception (Baby year) I was cooking (On a pretend stove) and a girl threw a plastic pepper at me 

And thats why I have grudges against girls. 

What does that to do with my poem? I don't have a grudge against that girl (or any girl).

[PowerPoke]

I still have trouble to talk to random girls

Sorry, I don't mean grudge. I couldn't find a different word  Cause your having trouble to talk to random girls, so you have a slight... (Insert word here) Towards them.

So thats why I put grudge

[zylonnick]

I'm still somewhat timid towards girls, that's what I mean. (shy)

[Declan_23]

Does  German=Dutch? I get confuzzled with that >.<

Nice poem Ponges, I like the way it rhymes in Dutch

[zylonnick]

thanks, it's alot easier for me to write in Dutch than in English.

[Declan_23]

I can imagine, despite learning Dutch from a young age I still find it eeasier to write in English.