Creative Discussions > Fan Fiction & Writing
New World Warriors
Curtoa:
This is a first time I am sharing my story with people I don't know soooo. Yea let me know how you like I will start with a little bit please comment with your uhhh comments.....
New World Warriors
Prologue
“Reality. Years ago there was peace in our world where we could travel freely from kingdom to kingdom, in fact many people did not know where one ended and the other started. But, that was before the war, before King Henry broke the Pact, when the original Royal Four where still in power. We must begin to realize that the Pact of the Kingdoms is over and war will soon fall upon us if something is not done quickly.” Glanda News
“Royal Four Return! In a turn of events that no one would have guessed on the near brink of a massive war King Henry of Lendom declares peace, and even suggests the reformation of the Royal Four. But who are these royals who will fill the shoes of the greatest rulers in many years. Crown Prince Dustin of Jeron, Crown Prince Zikumulaziva of Cy Islands, first in-line Prince Ray of Lendom, and future queen Jessica of Glanda. The Four are attending School for Royalty on an unknown Cy island. We all wish best to our young royals and who knows maybe a new Pact is in the making.” Jeron Fact
“War is declared! Lendom has turned on the peace treaty established four years ago. The treaty was broken when Lendom forces under the command of Lord Falrick attacks the northern border. The King has sent out word to the Cy islands, and Jeron to honor the new Pact and aid in defense of our country. Crown Prince Zikumulaziva was the first to leave the island where the Royal Four where studying; Prince Ray set sail to his home country, his stance on the war is unknown. Prince Dustin and Princess Jessica have remained at the school under orders from their Kings.” Glanda News
Chapter One
The Fight
“Supreme Commander Ray of Lendom Forces declared a traitor! When Commander Ray did not show for a trial set up to investigate the escape of Prince Zikumulaziva when the Royal Fleet landed on Main Island. King Henry has placed a bounty of three hundred million pounds of gold on Ray and the other three of the Royal Four.” Lendom Printing Press
Ray crumpled up the newspaper and tossed in the fire outside a blacksmith’s shop. “Who would have thought that my own people would want to turn me in. Tik, I really hope your plan will work. Maybe I should just turn myself in.” Ray slumped to the ground, “No, my friends need me. Tik is smarter than all of us I need to stick to the plan.” Ray looked up from his thoughts as he heard a noise in the forge and noticed a help needed sign. Eagerly running to the door Ray knocked heartily.
“Yes?” the man asked. Ray told him that he was looking for a job and he has had some experience with smiting in the army.
In a fit of rage, the smith yelled, “I don’t hire the Empire’s soldiers!” and slammed the door in Ray’s face. Ray could hear a City Guard Patrol approaching the blacksmith’s shop. Listening carefully, Ray discovered that the patrols were discussing what they were going to do to the blacksmith and his daughter for refusing to forge for the empire’s army.
Ray thought to himself, “If this blacksmith refused to smith for the army then he truly needs protection. I must help him and his daughter.”
Ray looked around the yard and saw a rusted old sword stuck in the ground. He decided to swing down to grab the sword then turned to face the guard. As soon as the guards saw who it was, they drew their swords. The guards knew that if they did not surrender, Ray would cut them down without a second thought. Some men ran. The captain declared, “Step aside so that we may kill the blacksmith and his daughter for refusing to orders.
Ray couldn’t let this go without at least some verbal jousting; “Now gee I wonder why he didn’t want to help you chivalrous boys.”
The city guard attacked Ray. Ray gave a wild laugh and lunged into the throng of men. Every lunge the guard made was deflected and returned in full from Ray. The guards retreated, reformed, and ran at Ray, using their swords as lances. Ray braced himself for his death. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the blacksmith ran at the guards from behind and swung his great hammer. Ray lunged in and fought side by side with the blacksmith until the guards retreated. They vowed that they would return to take their lives.
this is only a part of the first "chapter" if you guys want to read more let me know bby posting.
Jerry:
Hey, it's really good! I didn't spot any mistake of any sort and it just flows smoothly. Except maybe the part where you have the names of the Royal Four, but then, I was never that good on names ;)
I'll stay on the lookout for more of your work :)
Curtoa:
Thanks, I hope to post more on weekly if people want to read more. the names are my fault, I was going for an accent you can pretty much replace t's for z's when ever a Cy islander is talking. Sher (the blacksmith) is just her with an S, partly because I couldn't think of a name when I got to naming him. Most of the Country names sound they way they are spelt. Zikumulaziva is referred to Tik in the rest of the story.
--- Quote from: Curtoa on September 12, 2011, 07:36:09 AM ---
Ray crumpled up the newspaper and tossed in the fire outside a blacksmith’s shop. “Who would have thought that my own people would want to turn me in. Tik, I really hope your plan will work. Maybe I should just turn myself in.” Ray slumped to the ground, “No, my friends need me. Tik is smarter than all of us I need to stick to the plan.” Ray looked up from his thoughts as he heard a noise in the forge and noticed a help needed sign. ...
--- End quote ---
Jerry:
By the way, what I understand is that the authorities think (or want others to think) that Tik was kidnapped and because of that, Ray is being called traitor? (along with the fact that he didn't show up, etc, etc)
Curtoa:
I see that, the proper word should be escaped. this is the last part of the first "chapter".
The blacksmith turned to Ray to thank him but he was already gone. He found him in the blacksmith’s shop, packing all the weapons he could. Suddenly Ray heard a noise from behind him. He turned to see a beautiful women standing behind him, her blond hair cascade down and stood out against her black nightgown, which left little to be imagined. Ray would have introduced himself if the woman were not swinging a frying pan.
“Wait! -I am a-Friend” Ray tried to say while he dodged the frying pan.
“Oh really?” the women yelled. “So killing my father and stealing his stuff is just your way of saying ‘hi’!”
“STOP!” yelled the blacksmith. “He is a friend, Av, he saved us.”
“He did?” Av asked unbelieving looking at Ray and his tattered clothing.
“If it was not for him right now you would be dead or worse.” the blacksmith answered seriously.
“Your father and I must flee many guards are dead and it us who are the killers. So by law we must be put to death.” Ray then turned to the blacksmith, “We must flee to the forest for help.”
“We bring my daughter and your relatives with us,” the blacksmith said firmly.
“The girl can come” Ray responded “my brother will be safer here.” Ray added coldly.
“My name is Sher,” the blacksmith said.
“We must be careful not to draw to much attention. Now what we need is money to buy supplies.” Ray told his new companions.
“Av, get Ray all of the money,” Sher told his daughter.
“Yes Father.” Soon Av returned with three jingling bags of money. Av was convinced that Ray was going to run with the money, but her father told her to give it to him.
“I will return soon,” Ray said.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Av pulled out one of her favorite books from the shelf “A Complete World History” She opened it to Chapter One. Many historians agree that there was a race older than the Originals that we had almost no historical proof till contact was made with a short mountain dwelling race of people. There legends tell of a great war between a dark skinned people with jet black hair and a fair skin race. The battle raged for many years. The Jeron people tried to calm the two warring races; in the process they lost their leader. The story ends with the, fairer race, suffering severe loses gave an order to fall back into the tunnels of the Jeron; fearing a war in the mountains the Jeron people forever sealed off the Fair to their doom.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Four hours passed before Ray returned. He stood there in the doorway looking much different than before. He had worn rags and his boots had had holes in them, his long blond hair had hung matted around his face. But now he wore the finest black silk outfit, his blond hair was cleaned and pulled into a firm ponytail, the outfit was completed with a dark woolen cloak and a gleaming sword at his hip. He looked like a redeeming angel sent to earth. She just now noticed that he had an islander tan but he was clearly a Lendom citizen, he must have spent many years in the Cy islands before the war. In the yard there were three horses, each had been saddled.
“Av, are you going to get changed or shall we set off with you in that rather, hmm,” Ray paused as he looked her up and down “revealing nightgown.” He finished as he raised his eyebrows
Av blushed, answering, “Sorry, I will change now.”
Av could not explain it, but after changing into his new clothes, Ray had looked like a prince. She tried to push that thought out of her mind there was no way that Ray and the banished Prince were the same person. Besides the Prince would surely have ran away long ago not waited for someone to find him in town. Finally, she finished dressing. She started out the door, stopped, before grabbing A Complete World History and shoved it into her bag before walking out of the room, she saw her father had already mounted; but Ray’s horse was missing a rider. Av was now confused. Ray was the one who was telling them that they must be swift.
“Father, where is Ray?” Av asked.
“He left. He said that he would meet us at the gate outside of town. Now mount quickly so we may leave.”
They rode out of town as the morning sun peeked at the two escapees and their follower.
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