Hyper Zombie Timecops!

[Level5Pidgey]

John woke in the morning - yawning loudly as he stretched like a cat. It was just a normal day of a normal week for him, absolutely nothing out of the ordinary.  Nothing at all.
He remembered he wasn't alone in the bed however, so he slinked out carefully to avoid waking the beautiful blonde partially on top of him.

Leaving his bedroom, John accidentally tripped on a lame childish figurine he kept from his childhood, that had fallen off the shelf over the course of the night - he caught himself on the door, which creaked under his weight. The blonde lifted herself up off the bed, and sauntered down the hallway after him.

The pair made their way into the kitchen - where John started gathering a variety of cooking utensils - he fixed his guest chops with his kitchen knife, and eggs with his frying pan, displaying masterful knowledge of cullinary techniques.

Once his guest was adequately dealt with, John moved to his loungeroom - giving a wave to his neighbour who was mowing the lawn, and, finally turning on the TV, settled to plan out his day.

At least, that's how John wishes he could tell the story.

What happened in reality was that John woke on an especially unique day in a very historic week of the year. He screamed as he discovered the zombie perched on top of him - and narrowly avoided the ex-woman's grasp as he fell out of bed. He tripped on the lame toy, and near broke his jaw on the doorknob, letting out a thud that alerted his undead neighbours. He ran down his hall, panicked - while his assailant shambled after.

Bursting into the kitchen, John picked up any sort of weapon he could find. He'd seen movies about the living dead - there's never a peaceful option when corpses come a'knockin'.
Wielding a kitchen knife and frying pan, he clumsily engaged in a very biased fight with the ghoul - narrowly claiming his life as winnings before vomiting over the organs he had exposed on the re-corpsed corpse.

He proceeded into the loungeroom to see his neighbours clumsily shambling through his yard - and then checked the door. It was unlocked. Damn it!
Diving over his sofa, John did what he should have done at 2am the previous night and spat in the eyes of youth deliquents everywhere.

John feared the glass back door would be only a temporary fix for the issue though, so he turned on the TV - listened to about half a Public Service Announcement and then rashly resolved to GET THE chansey OUT OF THIS HOUSE.

But at least he could say that he woke up with a blonde on top of him.
In fact, he could almost say... she was drop dead gorgeous. Ohohohoho.

---

John's health: 28/100.

John gained +1 Bragging Right!
John gained +1 Freakin' Sweet Alterego!
John gained +25 exp!

John Picked Up:
   - A kitchen knife
   - A frying pan
   - A TV Remote
   - A blonde zombie (Ohohohoho.)

John emptied his stomach! 5/250.

[FireDarkGuy]

Nice story but.. a little unuseful.

[Mr. Fox]

lol I love it pidgey!

[St. Jimmy]

This deserves a medal. Like seriously.

[Tickles]

This is great. "John gained +1 Freakin' Sweet Alterego." That's the best part, made me lol. Also, I'm working on a script for a short zombie film. If I ever finish it, I'll share it with everyone here.

[Declan_23]

Why have you not written anything before >.< Stop hogging your creativeness, no fair.

[Level5Pidgey]

John started to gather up his gear - and gear up what he gathered.
He tip-toed around the house as best he could in case there were any more hot blondes in the place.

Creeping into his room like a ninja with his Brain-splattered Frying Pan (+1 Int!), he surveyed his resources. His wardorbe was the home to his clothes. The floor was the home to his most favourite clothes.

John settled on wearing jeans for two reasons - denim is pretty hard to bite through (he tested this himself!) and it was slightly chilly outside.
For his upper-wear, John carefully picked out a his favourite T-shirt with a hilarious slogan on it, and an old rain-coat. He wasn't sure how protective it was, but it most certainly tasted awful - so, if a zombie took him down, at least it would get a mouth full of rubber.
John also considered that the raincoat with its bright colours would warn other survivors in case he was zombified, and his excellent shirt would absolutely make him the most memorable zombie around.

John considered that maybe his bright colours and awesome shirt might attracted unwanted attention from the dead - but he quickly shrugged this notion off. If they're targetting any colour, it's probably naked human colour.

John scoped out his room and decided to take the toy he tripped over previously - its inclination for toe-stubbing and banana-peel maneuvers possibly a boon in the future (actually John just thinks the toy is damn cool), and a game he cherished as a teenager - "Super Undead Police with Chronologically Themed Methodologies", it had a cool story about a young boy who, faced with a disasterous plague, joined a time-themed police task force.
The game was a little useless, but, at least the title was somewhat straightforward.

John left his room, and wandered through the hall a second time. He noticed an awful lot of blood - considering he didn't cut himself when he fell earlier, and the kitchen is still quite far away in blood-travel terms.
He opened the bathroom door, because inquiry is always the best line of action in these scenarios - to find himself face to face with ANOTHER ZOMBIE. HOLYcrapGETBACK.

John jumped backwards, closing the door again.
He honestly couldn't imagine how a stray zombie got in there, but, well...
Okay he still can't.

At any rate, its not a huge problem. Turns out zombies have poor dexterity when it comes to twisty knobs.
That or they favour their left hands.
Can't rule anything out just yet.

After much wielding, testing - and then discarding of would-be weapons, John found that he favoured his knife and frying pan at this point. The frying pan can almost double as a shield, and the knife has tasted the blood of many a creature before. Mainly chicken. And honestly if the knife has no real qualms with raw chicken meat, it's already more combat-ready than John. Raw chicken meat is not John's most favourite thing.

John finally felt ready to leave the house - he walked into his garden, and was immediately hit with the stench of spring-time flowers. They were very lovely, but he couldn't shake the gentle aroma of bad things happening to good bad various people of a variety of moral inclinations.

He gazed down his street southwardly - marking many ghouls. John swore there was a suitable internet meme for a general approximation for the number of ghouls, but it slipped his mind.

Looking northwards, there were fewer ghouls - this was probably John's best bet.

Looking upwards, there were LASERS.
IN THE SKY.
LOTS OF THEM.
While certainly odd, John generally decided to leave these alone for now.
He'll deal with them if/when he needs to.
Focused light. Psh.

---

John's health: 35/100.

John gained the trait 'Ominous Oblivious'!
John gained +1 Penchant for Non-Generalisation! (1/20 Unhatched Chickens Uncounted)
John gained +25 exp!

John Picked Up:
   - Bright Raincoat
   - Hilarious Shirt
   - Denim Jeans (+1 Bite Resist)
   - Trippy Toy
   - Self-Referential Video Game

John still Has:
   - Kitchen Knife
   - Brain-Splattered Frying Pan (+1 Int)
   - TV Remote

John is Hungry! 5/250.

[Mr. Fox]

this is great!

[Tickles]

I just noticed that John can eat a lot, so If he does so happen to be a zombie, that would be a good factor before his stomach bursts from overeating.

[Level5Pidgey]

After planning his day, John turned off the TV, gathered his wallet and phone - and opened the front door.
Stepping out, he looked upwards... there were brilliant lights in the sky!
And festival music!

Of course! Today is the Day of the Dead!
John had forgotten - but Tequila was in order either way.

Looking up and down his street, John could see other residents and their families all dressing up to have a day of fun and remembrance.

He had some errands to run, but John decided to attend the festival first. Errands can wait.
He followed the source of the lights - which appeared to be the park two streets over.

---

John started quickly north - past ghouls, bodies and houses. Posters for the "Day of the Dead" festival that was supposed to take place today were all around. John guessed it had been postponed due to... yeah.
As he moved, John tried to be quick, but quiet - to attract as little attention as possible.
Plus, he was feeling hungry - so so hungry... if only he had eaten before he left home, he might have been able to muster up a jog.

As John walked, he recounted his plan. There was a small corner shop down the street, which would have a number of useful objects, primarily food. But, John knew it also had torches, bottles, gloves, underwear - you know, the essentials.
If John couldn't reach it though, there was another a few streets away - you have to plan for the worst, right? (2/20 Unhatched Chickens Uncounted)
It never hurts to keep an uncharacteristically level head.

The further John walked, the more he began to scuff his feet - and the more sound his shoes made, the more zombies that started to perk their heads as he passed, and stumble up onto their knees.

And as John walked, the party of shamblers tailing him grew - there were 4 now.
Looking behind him, John wished he had worn softer shoes, but with his sneakers, he was outspeeding them fairly easily.
What ghouls do have over humans though, is their stamina. John knew that on such a low stomach, he'd have to take action soon.

John checked his bag to see what was available - "Okay Commando Zazzerpants McGruder... time to do your thing!" John exclaimed - throwing his toy out behind him.
Walking backwards to see if it tripped the zombies, John felt his heel clip a crack in the pavement - and as if hoisted by his own petard, he started to fall backwards himself.


But then he stopped.

John revealed the trait "Ominous Oblivious"! John is immune to horror cliche!

Well that seems useful.
With the adrenaline pumping through his system, John felt like he could run.

Good thing too, because the toy only tripped up one of the four-strong mini-horde on the chase.

John ran the rest of the way to the store, before clubbing a zombie in the doorway with his frying pan.
The loud twang of John's vertical hit echoed throughout the store, and the immediate area.

John leapt into the store, and locked the doors.
That's another reason why corner shops are great - being a common victim of burglary, there are more safety measures than your average store. Thank God for door-bars.

John readied his frying pan to deal with any undead in the store - but he started to shake as the adrenaline wore off.
He needs food... fast... better bust any necessary skulls quickly.

---

John's health: 34/100.

John gained the trait 'Uncharacteristically Level Head'!
John revealed the trait 'Ominous Oblivious'!
John is immune to horror cliche.
   - John cannot trip while being chased.

John gained +1 Penchant for Non-Generalisation! (2/20 Unhatched Chickens Uncounted)
Commando Zazzerpants McGruder gained +100 exp!
John gained +10 shared exp!
John gained +25 exp!

John still Has:
   - Kitchen Knife
   - Brain-Splattered Frying Pan (+1 Int)
   - TV Remote
   - Bright Raincoat
   - Hilarious Shirt
   - Denim Jeans (+1 Bite Resist)
   - Self-Referential Video Game

John is Hungry! 5/250 Stomach Capacity.
John is Tired! 0/100 Adrenaline.

[Monzta]

Shieet. This is awesome. Make game plox?

[Level5Pidgey]

John slowly walked the store, peering up and down the isles - Pan in hand in wrist socket.
He expected to hear any zombies first however, as surely they'd have heard the door slam.

As he walked, he looked for exits to both barricade - and escape from. It seems the corner shop had no entrances or exits aside from the front - so John had to ensure that it was never breached.
It would also make escape difficult, as if zombies were outside, John wouldn't be able to go anywhere.
What John did however notice is that the store had a second story. Hypothetically the owner lived upstairs.

With no sight or sound of ghouls around, John started gathering food supplies.
He decided to make Fairy Bread - a perfect combination of bread to fill you up, and sugar to keep up the energy.
Plus it's delicious.

After eating, John investigated the upstairs section of the shop, finding a fairly ordinary, if not small kitchen and living area.
It seemed the owner had already fled the shop.

Lying down on a bare couch, he relaxed for the first time since he woke - wishing that the day's adventure was just a game... but it wasn't.
He perhaps relaxed too much however, as despite his original intentions - he got tired and slept.

---

John woke - furious.
Violently writhing to untangle himself from his stupid blankets, he could swear that there was something on top of him resisting his escapade.
Flailing in a no-less-violent fashion, John's fist struck the perched ghoul square in the jaw - knocking it to the floor.

John proceeded to the door of his room, treading on an old toy from when he was much younger.
Growling from frustration - crushing the toy under his foot.

Stumbling down the hall, he heard a moaning in the bathroom.
Stepping back, he kicked the door near-off its hinges.

After much flushing, and a short scuffle in the kitchen, John sat down to eat breakfast.
Blood dripped from his forehead to his corn flakes... if this were anyone else, there would be serious worry over possible disease from drinking bad blood - but John simply doesn't have time for this crap.

John revealed the trait "Blood Simple"! John is immune to complex injury!

Thanks for that.
At any rate, John needed to go outside, to turn off those damn ominous lights.

---

John woke, curious.
There was a slight ringing in his ears, and it wasn't the tequila.

Sitting up, he examined the festival around him - people were lying on the grass as he was, having picnics and being generally pleasant.
But still... this ringing... attempting to pop his ears to no resolve, John had to investigate where it was coming from.

He rose to a stand and started walking in the direction where he believed the ringing was coming from. If someone had left their alarm on after waking, there would be hell to pay. It simply wasn't proper.

John followed the sound, its drone louder as he trailed to a particular festival stall.
It was small, with Day of the Dead posters all over it - they seemed to be graffiti'd with hot sauce.
Similarly unproper.

Sticking his head into the stall - he found the source.
With no-one present, John climbed over the counter.
Opening the small cabinet - John reached inside, yawming loudly as he awoke - stretching like a cat.
It was just a normal day of a normal week for him, absolutely nothing out of the ordinary.

---

John's health: 79/100.

John gained the trait 'Blood Simple'!
John revealed the trait 'Blood Simple'!
John is immune to complex injury!
   - John is not poisoned by the blood of the dead.

John gained +1 Pretty Mad Alterego!
John gained +25 exp!
John levelled up! 110/100
John is now Level 2!

John still Has:
   - Kitchen Knife
   - Brain-Splattered Frying Pan (+1 Int)
   - TV Remote
   - Bright Raincoat
   - Hilarious Shirt
   - Denim Jeans (+1 Bite Resist)
   - Self-Referential Video Game

John is Content! 170/250.

[Mr. Fox]

is it over?! no, it must go on!

http://i52.tinypic.com/119w282.jpg John needs to learn some safety rules

[Level5Pidgey]

Don't worry, not even close to finished yet!
The story still doesn't have any time cops!

[Tickles]

I want ot see this continue. I've been waiting for the next part,