New World Warriors

[Curtoa]

This is a first time I am sharing my story with people I don't know soooo. Yea let me know how you like I will start with a little bit please comment with your uhhh comments.....

New World Warriors

Prologue

“Reality. Years ago there was peace in our world where we could travel freely from kingdom to kingdom, in fact many people did not know where one ended and the other started. But, that was before the war, before King Henry broke the Pact, when the original Royal Four where still in power. We must begin to realize that the Pact of the Kingdoms is over and war will soon fall upon us if something is not done quickly.” Glanda News

“Royal Four Return!  In a turn of events that no one would have guessed on the near brink of a massive war King Henry of Lendom declares peace, and even suggests the reformation of the Royal Four. But who are these royals who will fill the shoes of the greatest rulers in many years. Crown Prince Dustin of Jeron, Crown Prince Zikumulaziva of Cy Islands, first in-line Prince Ray of Lendom, and future queen Jessica of Glanda. The Four are attending School for Royalty on an unknown Cy island. We all wish best to our young royals and who knows maybe a new Pact is in the making.” Jeron Fact

“War is declared! Lendom has turned on the peace treaty established four years ago. The treaty was broken when Lendom forces under the command of Lord Falrick attacks the northern border. The King has sent out word to the Cy islands, and Jeron to honor the new Pact and aid in defense of our country.  Crown Prince Zikumulaziva was the first to leave the island where the Royal Four where studying; Prince Ray set sail to his home country, his stance on the war is unknown. Prince Dustin and Princess Jessica have remained at the school under orders from their Kings.” Glanda News

Chapter One
The Fight

“Supreme Commander Ray of Lendom Forces declared a traitor! When Commander Ray did not show for a trial set up to investigate the escape of Prince Zikumulaziva when the Royal Fleet landed on Main Island. King Henry has placed a bounty of three hundred million pounds of gold on Ray and the other three of the Royal Four.” Lendom Printing Press

Ray crumpled up the newspaper and tossed in the fire outside a blacksmith’s shop. “Who would have thought that my own people would want to turn me in. Tik, I really hope your plan will work. Maybe I should just turn myself in.” Ray slumped to the ground, “No, my friends need me. Tik is smarter than all of us I need to stick to the plan.” Ray looked up from his thoughts as he heard a noise in the forge and noticed a help needed sign. Eagerly running to the door Ray knocked heartily.

“Yes?” the man asked. Ray told him that he was looking for a job and he has had some experience with smiting in the army.

In a fit of rage, the smith yelled, “I don’t hire the Empire’s soldiers!” and slammed the door in Ray’s face. Ray could hear a City Guard Patrol approaching the blacksmith’s shop. Listening carefully, Ray discovered that the patrols were discussing what they were going to do to the blacksmith and his daughter for refusing to forge for the empire’s army.

Ray thought to himself, “If this blacksmith refused to smith for the army then he truly needs protection. I must help him and his daughter.”

Ray looked around the yard and saw a rusted old sword stuck in the ground. He decided to swing down to grab the sword then turned to face the guard. As soon as the guards saw who it was, they drew their swords. The guards knew that if they did not surrender, Ray would cut them down without a second thought. Some men ran. The captain declared, “Step aside so that we may kill the blacksmith and his daughter for refusing to orders.

Ray couldn’t let this go without at least some verbal jousting; “Now gee I wonder why he didn’t want to help you chivalrous boys.”

The city guard attacked Ray. Ray gave a wild laugh and lunged into the throng of men. Every lunge the guard made was deflected and returned in full from Ray. The guards retreated, reformed, and ran at Ray, using their swords as lances. Ray braced himself for his death. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the blacksmith ran at the guards from behind and swung his great hammer. Ray lunged in and fought side by side with the blacksmith until the guards retreated. They vowed that they would return to take their lives.

this is only a part of the first "chapter" if you guys want to read more let me know bby posting.

[Jerry]

Hey, it's really good! I didn't spot any mistake of any sort and it just flows smoothly. Except maybe the part where you have the names of the Royal Four, but then, I was never that good on names

I'll stay on the lookout for more of your work

[Curtoa]

Thanks, I hope to post more on weekly if people want to read more. the names are my fault, I was going for an accent you can pretty much replace t's for z's when ever a Cy islander is talking. Sher (the blacksmith) is just her with an S, partly because I couldn't think of a name when I got to naming him. Most of the Country names sound they way they are spelt. Zikumulaziva is referred to Tik in the rest of the story.

Ray crumpled up the newspaper and tossed in the fire outside a blacksmith’s shop. “Who would have thought that my own people would want to turn me in. Tik, I really hope your plan will work. Maybe I should just turn myself in.” Ray slumped to the ground, “No, my friends need me. Tik is smarter than all of us I need to stick to the plan.” Ray looked up from his thoughts as he heard a noise in the forge and noticed a help needed sign. ...

[Jerry]

By the way, what I understand is that the authorities think (or want others to think) that Tik was kidnapped and because of that, Ray is being called traitor? (along with the fact that he didn't show up, etc, etc)

[Curtoa]

I see that, the proper word should be escaped. this is the last part of the first "chapter".


The blacksmith turned to Ray to thank him but he was already gone. He found him in the blacksmith’s shop, packing all the weapons he could. Suddenly Ray heard a noise from behind him. He turned to see a beautiful women standing behind him, her blond hair cascade down and stood out against her black nightgown, which left little to be imagined. Ray would have introduced himself if the woman were not swinging a frying pan.

“Wait! -I am a-Friend” Ray tried to say while he dodged the frying pan.

“Oh really?” the women yelled. “So killing my father and stealing his stuff is just your way of saying ‘hi’!”

“STOP!” yelled the blacksmith. “He is a friend, Av, he saved us.”

“He did?” Av asked unbelieving looking at Ray and his tattered clothing.

“If it was not for him right now you would be dead or worse.” the blacksmith answered seriously.

 “Your father and I must flee many guards are dead and it us who are the killers. So by law we must be put to death.” Ray then turned to the blacksmith, “We must flee to the forest for help.”

“We bring my daughter and your relatives with us,” the blacksmith said firmly.

“The girl can come” Ray responded “my brother will be safer here.” Ray added coldly.

“My name is Sher,” the blacksmith said.

“We must be careful not to draw to much attention. Now what we need is money to buy supplies.” Ray told his new companions.

“Av, get Ray all of the money,” Sher told his daughter.

“Yes Father.” Soon Av returned with three jingling bags of money. Av was convinced that Ray was going to run with the money, but her father told her to give it to him.

“I will return soon,” Ray said.

   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *
Av pulled out one of her favorite books from the shelf “A Complete World History” She opened it to Chapter One. Many historians agree that there was a race older than the Originals that we had almost no historical proof till contact was made with a short mountain dwelling race of people. There legends tell of a great war between a dark skinned people with jet black hair and a fair skin race. The battle raged for many years. The Jeron people tried to calm the two warring races; in the process they lost their leader. The story ends with the, fairer race, suffering severe loses gave an order to fall back into the tunnels of the Jeron; fearing a war in the mountains the Jeron people forever sealed off the Fair to their doom.
*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

Four hours passed before Ray returned. He stood there in the doorway looking much different than before. He had worn rags and his boots had had holes in them, his long blond hair had hung matted around his face. But now he wore the finest black silk outfit, his blond hair was cleaned and pulled into a firm ponytail, the outfit was completed with a dark woolen cloak and a gleaming sword at his hip. He looked like a redeeming angel sent to earth. She just now noticed that he had an islander tan but he was clearly a Lendom citizen, he must have spent many years in the Cy islands before the war. In the yard there were three horses, each had been saddled.

“Av, are you going to get changed or shall we set off with you in that rather, hmm,” Ray paused as he looked her up and down “revealing nightgown.” He finished as he raised his eyebrows

Av blushed, answering, “Sorry, I will change now.”

Av could not explain it, but after changing into his new clothes, Ray had looked like a prince. She tried to push that thought out of her mind there was no way that Ray and the banished Prince were the same person. Besides the Prince would surely have ran away long ago not waited for someone to find him in town. Finally, she finished dressing. She started out the door, stopped, before grabbing A Complete World History and shoved it into her bag before walking out of the room, she saw her father had already mounted; but Ray’s horse was missing a rider. Av was now confused. Ray was the one who was telling them that they must be swift.

“Father, where is Ray?” Av asked.

“He left. He said that he would meet us at the gate outside of town. Now mount quickly so we may leave.”

They rode out of town as the morning sun peeked at the two escapees and their follower.

[Jerry]

Nice!

Only problem I saw was this one:
"Your father and I must flee many guards are dead and it us who are the killers."

change to:
"Your father and I must flee; many guards are dead and we happen to be the killers."

[Curtoa]

Alright here is 'Chapter 2' Battle of Clearing Glades.
Chapter 2
The Battle of Clearing Glades

As Sher and Av approached the gate, the watchman warned them to be wary a man dressed in black. He was attacking the empire’s soldiers with his weapon of choice, a bow that he could fire from afar. Sher and Av thought this Black Archer must be Ray. They could never have been more wrong.

Sher and Av set up camp in a popular camping spot for travelers called Clearing Glades. Av went out to find some food and firewood. While she was forging some Stinging Berries in the bush, a twig cracked. Quickly, she turned around. Behind her stood a man clad in black, with a bow in his hand and an arrow knocked on the string, pointing directly at Av.

“Who are you and why are you in the forest?”

“I…I...I…”

“So you’re speechless when someone is pointing a weapon at you as well.” A voice laughed joyfully from way up presumably spoken by the very trees themselves. “Scar, lower that. She’s with me.”

“Are you sure? She could be working for” the man stopped spat on the ground before continuing “Henry.” Scar responded to the mysterious voice.

“Who are you to question me?” The voice roared in anger “Do not push our friendship I am your commander foremost.” the voice replied, once again from a tree.

A shadow jumped down. Standing in front of Av was Ray.

“Ray!” she yelled as she flung herself at him. “We thought you were dead when you did not show up,” she said as she hugged him. “Father is back at the camp. He wanted to leave if you did not show up today; I’m so glad you showed up.”

“I missed you too.” Ray told her “This is Scar. He is a Glanda archer who as aligned himself with the  ...” Ray paused for a moment “I will tell you later the forest is not safe not here”

“My most humble apologies, my lady,” Scar said with a much flushed bow.

“Look there, the blacksmith who killed the city guard!”
“Get him!”
“I want him alive for questioning,” a voice commanded in the distance.

“Ray, we have to help father,” Av pleaded. 

“Scar, round up whom you can and then follow the screams.” Ray ordered.

“Right away, Sir” Scar answered. He turned and climbed up a tree and was off instantly, jumping from branch to branch.

“Stay here.”

“But…But…”

“Stay here!” Ray ran after the voices with his bow out and an arrow notched.

Soon Av heard the death scream of solders and orders to investigate who was shooting the arrows.

Suddenly the twangs from the bow stopped. A loud voice declared, “Give yourself up and we might let the blacksmith live.”

The voice Av identified as Ray yelled back, “And what if I decline that offer?”

“Then the blacksmith will die.”

“I see. So since I’m alone and your group is so much bigger than just I and so much better at avoiding arrows.” Ray responded sarcastically.

“That is exactly why you should surrender.”

“As tempting as that ultimatum is I think I will have to pass.”

Suddenly the air was filled with the sound of arrows firing, the dying soldiers screaming for mercy. The twang of the bows and the screaming men seemed to go on forever.

“We finish this battle with the blade.” Ray yelled.

   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

Av could wait no longer. She ran to the tree line just in time to see thirty men running out of the forest from every direction. They finished off the men dying from the arrows. Some locked in swordplay with the solders that ether survived the downpour of arrows. In the Mêlée, Av could not see Ray. She hoped that he was not one of the dead men lying around the glade.

Out of nowhere, the banner of Lord Falrik was set on fire and waved around in a mocking way. The solders still fighting saw this. They knew that they had been beaten. Most of the then surrendered.

“Bring them here!” Ray commanded.
So he lived, Av thought.

 Ray climbed on top of one of Falrik’s wagons. “From here on out, whenever anyone looks back on the Battle of the Clearing Glades, they will know that against all odds the beggars, the craftsmen, the traders of our world have fought and won against overwhelming numbers. We do not fight for honor or gold and plunder but for the right for our freedom and for the lives of our children, sisters, and wives; and let the King tremble in fear as he hears stories of our conquests as we begin our siege on Lendom. People of the world will see our nation and call on us in their time of need for what we are, we are fighters of justice, and in the years to come whether we win this war or if our descendents will be the ones who will ultimately win the war the flame of freedom will never be killed for on this day we are making our presence, and our intentions known to the world and that we will not stand for tyranny no matter the price and forever will we fight; for we are the fighters for the nations that fell under the yoke of Lendom’s rule.” Ray gestured to groups of men standing in the clearing. “Glanda, Cy islands, Jeron, and the people of Lendom who know we were wrong in our war. We are the New World Warriors.” The men went crazy as Ray finished his speech

Av leaned forward, wanting more then anything to be next to him, next to the this leader of good in the world. In her daze she stepped on a twig, making a crisp crack. Although it was a small sound, it drew Ray’s attention.

“Scar, take Clen and Phin and see what that was. Now!" But before Scar could carry out Ray’s orders, an arrow flew out of the trees and killed Phin.

“SCATTER.” A voice called out.
Everyone bolted for the trees in hopes of survival.

[Jerry]

Nice twist Some minor typing mistakes are crawling in though

"the watchman warned them to be wary a man dressed in black"
"the watchman warned them to be wary of a man dressed in black"

"I see. So since I’m alone and your group is so much bigger than just I and so much better at avoiding arrows."
"I see. So since I’m alone and your group is so much bigger than just me, and so much better at avoiding arrows."

and some comma, nothing big. You could make a book out of it
Keep up the good work! I'm liking it a lot so far

[Declan_23]

I just thought I'd post just so you know Jerry isn't the only one reading this. So far, I like the story, there's lots of room for the plot to develop. The one criticism I have is that you seem to brush over certain points, more detail would be nice

[Mr. Fox]

I am reading from the shadows over Jerry's shoulders...

[Curtoa]

Yay! I was truthfully a little nervous when I thought Jerry was the only one . I will make the changes pointed out, hopefully my grammar isn't too bothersome I started about eight or so years ago so the writing style defiantly changes and some parts that I haven’t reworked are pretty rough. I will try when I write new parts to write more detail, 'Chapter' 3 is coming soon and it has a little bit more detail about the HQ.

[zorocario]

i like it. its run smoothly hardly any mistake accept the ones Jerry found.

[Curtoa]

Alright Chapter 3 this one is going to be rough partly becuase I haven't been over it as far as grammer and flow since it was Written. Enjoy!
Chapter Three
New World Warriors HQ

“Great speech, General Ray, but the New World Warriors are just a bunch of outlaws living in a forest. Lord Falrik was a fool, I sent him out here to lure the Black Archer out but low and behold I find you out here with the rift raft, and I thought you had standers, Ray.” A voice floated out of the surrounding trees that, was everything but caring.


“I know you well enough to know when you’re lying, you would never sacrifice a loyal lord’s life without your own coffers getting larger. I also know that Lord Falrik was one of the few lords who supported you in the beginning as you began your descendent into madness.” Ray shouted back.

“Now, now there’s no need to get nasty, Ray! Just surrender and I might let some of these renegades go.”

Ray decided not to answer. Instead he snuck over to Scar, commanding him to take as many people as possible back to Base Camp. As an added thought he told him to pick up Av on the way.

“Ray do not make me kill you!” The king yelled “Surrender or I will kill you!” He then turned to his appointed leader of the army and said, “Take as many as you can. Dead or alive I care naught.”

The commander placed his hand to his chest and bowed “At once sire” the commander said as he singled his forces to move in. Soon there were confused voices coming from forest surrounding the glade.

“There’s no one here.”

“They must have fled.”

Meanwhile, Ray was running with the surviving men. To Sher, it looked like a retreat, but as soon as he thought they were home free Scar, took a sharp left into a rather nasty thicket of thorns. Ray quickly turned right. Sher decided to follow Scar for he had no ability to help Ray.

He took a big breath then braced himself for the stinging that would occur when he hit the thorn thicket, but the pain never came. Sher opened his eyes and looked around. Everywhere he looked he saw men, women, and children walking around, talking and simply living their lives. When he looked back instead of a thicket of thorns there was a beautifully made door, disguised as a thicket of thorns. As he looked around, he saw a huge wall surrounding the town. Every once in awhile, his eyes landed on a tower disguised as a tree with guards atop them. He then looked at the town’s buildings some were made with palms and looked like they belonged on a tropical beach and the people in those homes had sun kissed skin, his eyes fell on sturdy rock homes and noticed people moving swiftly though the light near them were pale, and then there were homes like his back in Lendom City with people who looked like his family tall, eyes of black and blond headed mixed with another race of people who were tall as well but had eyes of green and red hair. Sher was amazed that a town of so many nations could existent this far in the forest. He wondered why Ray did not tell him about this place; and then joy rushed in his heart for in a dark corner he saw people dressed in all black clothing living in tepees. Long thought that their race was dead the Originals the first of all races to rise up and build a nation they were mighty and strong once; and for the first time Sher felt hope burning in his heart for the Originals had joined the war.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

A woman screamed the most blood-curling scream Sher had ever heard. Scar raced out of the biggest building and signaled to the soldiers to follow him. Solders appeared and fell into ranks. He led them directly towards the scream.

Scar was running as fast as he could back to Clearing Glades when Ray busted out of the forest carrying his sword.
“Where is she?” he demanded at Scar. “You were supposed to be watching her! Get out of my sight!”

Scar, who had always looked so sure of himself, suddenly cringed as Ray scolded him. The way he carried himself had gone from lion to mouse.

Ray then turned to the group of men Scar had assembled. He yelled at them to follow as he ran towards Clearing Glades. Hopefully Av still lived. Her previous scream had not been too reassuring.

Av looked toward the king’s face and gasped.


   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *
As Ray lunged into the sentries he knew the men never had a chance. He jumped and killed the three before they even saw him coming.  The New World Warriors flowed closely behind Ray as he approached the rest of the army.

Ray suddenly stopped moving and listened.
           
 “Come now, girl. What is your relationship to my brother?” the king asked Av.
           
 “Who is your brother?” she asked.
         
 “Don’t try my patience, girl.” The King continued, “How did you meet my brother?!”
         
   Av let out a deep sigh, trying to stay collected. “And who is your brother?” she repeated.   
         
   “Insolence, girl” the King said as he slapped Av.

Ray could feel his anger boiling inside. His eyes narrowed to slits as the king yelled at Av. The king singled out a guard and instructed him to hit her with his gauntlet.

The small twang of the string was the only warning. Just as he was winding his hand back, an arrow was between the soldier’s eyes. The man fell dead at the king’s feet. Av screamed a horrible scream as terror struck the solders. They scrambled to protect the king.

During the chaos was when it happened. The entire group assembled by Ray lunged out of the forest. Sounding the retreat, the king and his men ran back to town, the New World Warriors following closely behind them.

Ray turned to Av and pulled out his dagger. He made quick work of the ropes that bounded her there. The moment she was free, Ray grabbed her and pressed his lips against hers in a passionate kiss. When they stopped, the crimson was already spreading across his face.
            “My deepest apologies,” he said “It’s just I thought I would never see you again and then…”

Av laid her finger across his lips. “Stop talking and do it again.”

As they were enjoying the moment, a Glanda solder returned. “Sir, we really should be getting back.”

“Aw yes, very good. Let’s head out” Ray replied hastily.

Moments later they were at the secret city. Ray entered first, Av linked at his arm. The soldiers carrying the dead closely followed them. The soldiers broke off and headed over to a small church. Suddenly, a woman walked up to Ray and slapped him across his right check.
           
 “That’s for leaving me!” the woman screamed at him and stormed away.
           
 “What was that all about?” Av asked Ray.

“Well… you see… she is my ex-fiancée.”
         
 “What! You’re married! How dare you kiss me you…you pig!” Av yelled. She then slapped him across his left cheek and stalked off.

“Av, wait! We never got married, besides it was because her father was ill and…”

“Ray, you’re needed in the chapel now.”  Clen irrupted.

“I will be right there” Ray said with one last look at Av as she walked away.

[Jerry]

Nice going.

Still want to read more of it!

[Curtoa]

Whew I had almost forgotten to post today. So in this short chapter we meet a new character who will be playing a part in the developing story as well as seeing Ray's more troubled conscience come into play which becomes further developed later on.
Chapter Four
The Death

 “This better be important!” he shouted as he came in the church followed by Clen.

“It’s Father Fredrick, he’s dying,” the Glandin doctor stated through a stone face.

“Ray, come here.” Fredrick whispered in a husked voice.

“What is it Father?”

 “Do you remember when your brother found out that he was indeed born first and then preceded banished the clerk who messed up the dates and said you were the firstborn?”

“How could I forget that day?” Ray wondered to himself what this was all about.

“Ray, I paid the second clerk. I made him rewrite the royal tree.” Fredrick lapsed into a coughing fit. When he was done he resumed. “Your brother was more vile then the devil himself. He would have killed you in order to get the throne.”

“Father, are you saying that I am the rightful king of the empire?”

The man looked at Ray and said, “Yes, But you are more than that you are the ruler of the people. Look at these people from all races they follow you not because you are a Prince or an Emperor they follow you because you are just and you fight against tyranny.” With that, the great priest, royal advisor, and Ray’s mentor died.

Ray turned around and grabbed the closet person, pulling them to his face, “Prepare his body for burial,” he hissed coldly.

   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

Ray tried to watch the preparation to honor his friend’s memory but found he could not. He excused himself and went to Father Fredrick’s cell to stand in the doorway. Time passed as Ray simply thought. Countless hours later, a man was sent to find Ray. He was still in the doorway.

“Sire, the procession is ready.”

“So?” was all Ray could respond. The numbness that had seeped in from his stiff limbs had reached his mind and feelings. Finally Ray made movements towards the procession that was already on its way.

   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

“And so with the final passing of our beloved Father Fredrick we move into a sadder but a no less hopeful future. I ask you to join me in the Lord’s Prayer.” One of the monks concluded the burial.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

“Ray there was nothing you could have done; it was just time for him to go.” Ravenflight placed a hand on his back.

Ray flinched away from her comforting hand “No it is my fault, I should have renounced my brother earlier no matter what I did to help the people it was me who put them here in this godforsaken forest.” He turned to face Ravenflight and grabbed her by her shoulders “it was me who lead the army into their towns I killed their family and burnt their homes. Don’t you get it? There not fighting the person who put them here no their following him. You, see now don’t you the monster we fight is not King Henry not the captain of the guard me!”

“Ray!” Scar ran in to the clearing and pulled Ray off of Ravenflight “What are you thinking? Ravenflight is with child!” Ravenflight’s jet-black hair was meshed with Scar’s.

“Am sorry, Scar, please forgive me.” Ray then turned and walked off into the woods.