Creative Discussions > Fan Fiction & Writing
New World Warriors
Arctus:
This is a cool story, nice work. Also, if you enjoy writing, you should look up NaNoWriMo.
Jerry:
It gets a little confusing towards the end of this chapter, maybe you could review it and change where necessary?
Otherwise, it doesn't seem like you'll run out of ideas soon, and that's good :)
Curtoa:
Where does it get confusing at? I have some free time this week to rework it.
Jerry:
I found that part confusing:
“it was me who lead the army into their towns I killed their family and burnt their homes. Don’t you get it? There not fighting the person who put them here no their following him. You, see now don’t you the monster we fight is not King Henry not the captain of the guard me!”
“Ray!” Scar ran in to the clearing and pulled Ray off of Ravenflight “What are you thinking? Ravenflight is with child!” Ravenflight’s jet-black hair was meshed with Scar’s.
He really did lead the army into their towns? I really thought that the army was against him, that is the other way round and... "Ravenflight is with child!" I think that should be 'a child' instead. And I'm not sure what you meant be 'meshed' exactly...
Tickles:
By meshed, he means it collided and mixed in. It's nexus talk ( If you know what the nexus is, and at least that's what I think he meant).
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