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Author Topic: LOZ parody film  (Read 6856 times)

Offline spirit

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LOZ parody film
« on: February 25, 2010, 01:10:46 AM »
Quote
Ok, so something like two or three years ago (in class in highschool), I was bored and started writing the only story I have ever finished (though sequels are on the way). Last year I went back to it, and decided to type it up onto the computer, as well as update some of the material.

This is just a copy/paste of the story that I uploaded from my computer, so I haven't actually edited the text or anything. Please excuse my lack of grammar, or punctuation, or capitalization, etc.

Also, I recognize, you won't know any of the actors I chose to play these characters, but you can use your imagination.

Oh, and yes, I do actually want to film this one day.



i was previously uploading this to the internet, while using HTML coding, but eventually there was a problem, and i have checked and rechecked the coding and everything should be fine, so i decided that it would just be easier to eliminate the HTML stuff and upload it to facebook. (plus then i dont have to waste time typing HTML anymore)

so i will instead be typing this into a word document and be uploading one scene at a time.

remember this is just a fan work, and when i finally get around to filming it i will create a full credits list of all the people and companies i ripped off... i mean referenced and parodied.

the current cast list is as follows (in order of appearance)
Link: Marshall
Lawrence: Lawrence
CH2: ______(i still haven't selected someone to do this characters voice. if your interested let me know) (preference will be given to people with smaller or no parts)
Andrew: Andrew
Michael: Michael
CH4: ______(i still haven't selected someone to do this characters voice. if your interested let me know) (preference will be given to people with smaller or no parts)
Alysha: Alysha
CH7: ______(i still haven't selected someone to do this characters voice. if your interested let me know) (preference will be given to people with smaller or no parts)
Holly: Holly (my dog)/Jordon (voice actor)
Zelda: Jessica
Kirk: Kirk
CH9: ______(i still haven't selected someone to do this characters voice. if your interested let me know) (preference will be given to people with smaller or no parts)
Gannon: Curt
Evan: Evan
Vegeta: Vegeta
Nappa: Nappa
Jordon: Jordon
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Zelda Movie Script



THE NEW LEGEND OF ZELDA
You know you have been playing too many RPG's when...

Opening credits

Tennis
Link uses the wiimote and attachment
Lawrence might use the wiimote (if not he will use a real racket)
Try to get shots over the course of the day (mourning, noon, evening, night, and (different weather if possible)
End game with a casual farewell

Title screen

Music (from the link song by system of a down)
Intro (explanation from "A Link to the Past" about the generations)
Link getting on to a bus, riding the bus, and getting off the bus
While introduction is playing, the background should be dimmed
Fade to black
Fade in with Link walking into his bedroom (wii is in the room with one wavebird attached to it) (Link does not make notice of the wii)
Link lies down on bed
Voice: Link!
[Link searches the area, but finds nothing] ( [] <- denotes text on screen)
Voice: Link!
(Link searches the room again and see's the wavebird receiver blink every time the voice calls out. the voice is calling out every so often)
(Screen fades out)


Scene 1
[*lets not waste a lot of time on introducing the plot; it's The Legend of Zelda, how many different plots can there be?*]
(Screen fades in)
CH2: Link! I am C-H 2; rank one. The evil lord Gannon kidnapped my brothers, you must help them!
Link: What?!
CH2: you have been chosen by the gods, you must help us!
Link: I don't understand! Why am I helping you?
CH2: Holy crap! Your ancestors never questioned their tasks, they never said a word!
Link: That's because my "ancestors" were a bunch of mindless mutes!
(Screen cuts to a clip of Link from the Zelda parody on YouTube, the one revolved around the high school and the dance)
CH2: come on, the fate of the world depends on this, who knows what Gannon is planning to do to my brothers?
Link: who cares?
CH2: I do! What can I do to make you understand?
Link: will you shut up if I agree?
CH2: yes!
Link: Then I'll do it. Now, what do I have to do?
CH2: my brothers have been scattered across this land, one is in the Forest Temple, one is in the... what are you doing?
Link: You said the Forest Temple right.
CH2: Yes! There you will need to fight terrible monsters, and solve difficult puzzles to move on through the many rooms and finally kill a dangerous creature to gain access to the room my brother is being kept in
Link: Yeah... um... screw that, it's a forest; I'm getting my dad's Chainsaw
CH2: ...
(Link leaves the room and goes into the garage where Andrew is working)
Andrew: Hey!
Link keeps walking
Andrew: [*Hey Link! *] Where are you going?*]
(As this appears on screen, Link looks between Andrew and the bottom of the screen a couple of times)
[*I just finished your sword and shield*]
(Link slaps Andrew)
Link: (sternly) No! No!
Andrew: (grunt)
Andrew: [*what the hell?!!*]
Link: (slaps Andrew again) (sternly) No! Stop it! Speak boy!
Andrew: (glares) Fine! I just finished your sword and shield, follow me and I'll get them for you. (Andrew starts to walk off)
Link: Umm... I never asked for a sword or shield.
Andrew: But you're a hero, chosen by the gods, descendent of the hero of old, you must have your sword and shield! Come here!
Link: ...
Link: (walks over and receives the shield
Andrew: Now where's that sword? Hmm... Why don't you go for a walk, and I'll look for it.
(Link walks off out of the garage and down the street)
Andrew: Where are you going?
Link: What? You just told me to go.
Andrew: Aren't you forgetting something?
Link: Oh the chainsaw. Thanks for reminding me.
(Walks to one of the walls)
Andrew: Huh? No! You just got an item...
Link: (mumbling) you’ve got to be kidding me!
Link: (Link holds shield over head) [*you got the nunchuck shield*]
Link: [*Use it to deflect attacks by pressing the Z button*]
Link: What?!!
Andrew: Remember, when you wish to use it, hold the z button, otherwise it will remain in your inventory
Link: (sarcastically) Z button, right! Of Course! (tries to use it but fails miserably)Seriously???
(Just rerun scene, don't film again)
Andrew: Remember, when you wish to use it, hold the z button, otherwise it will remain in your inventory
(Link annoyed, and dumbfounded look presses Z and the shield quickly swings into action)
Link: Ahhh!!!
Andrew: Good! Now you're ready. Good luck!
Link: (as he walks off) Uh huh?
(Sighs)
Andrew: [*Good-bye!*]
(Link stops for a second, and then heads off again)
END OF SCENE 1

Scene 2
Link is walking by the soccer field, and see's Michael practicing his sword fighting, and then Link tries to hurry off in the opposite direction)
Mike: Link wait!
(Mike starts running off towards Link)
Link: Ah, crap! (Turns around pleasantly) yeah?
Mike: I just got a new sword, I stole it from... oh never mind! Anyway, I hear you’re on a quest!
Link: (Link mutters under his breath) how does everybody know that?
Mike: It's on your nametag.
(Camera cuts to a name tag on Link's chest that reads: "Hello my name is: Link (on a quest)". Link angrily rips the tag of his chest, crumbles it up, and throws it on the ground)
Mike: Come here, you’re in no shape to fight like that let me teach you. You ready? Good! Now do a shoulder role! (Link obediently does one) Excellent, now, by pressing and holding Z lock onto that tree. (Again, link obeys)
Mike: Perfect, now you can walk around, jump and strike while always staying focused on your target. Try it. (Once again, Link does so) Good! I think you’re ready to try your sword. Here! (Mike hands Link the sword.)
Link: How did you get this? I thought Andrew had it!
Mike: Hey, who do you think you are? Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney? Lay off eh! I have a sword, and Andrew doesn't, end of story!
(Mike stares blankly)
Link: Umm... aren't you going to tell me how to use it?
Mike: But you haven't obtained it yet!
Link: Huh? What? Sure, I have, it's right... oh... (Sarcastically excited) You obtained the Hero's sword, swing the wiimote to equip and use it.
Link: [*You obtained the Hero's sword, swing the wiimote to equip and use it.*]
Mike: Lock on with Z and then swing the sword to do a normal slash
(Sarcastically excited, Link does so)
Mike: And finally, wave your nunchuck shield to perform a spin slash.
(As Link does so, he goes from sarcastically excited to shocked at the pull of the sword)
Mike: Great! Now you’re ready to practice fighting.
(Link becomes scared as the screen fades to black. As the screen fades, back in we see Link and Mike equipped with shinai's and Link looking around confused)
[*READY*]
[*FIGHT*]
(Pokemon Elite Four music plays. Improv fight scene, Link finally wins, and jumps at Mike who is on the ground {finishing strike} screen fades out and back to the way it was before the match, with link finishing his strike with his sword, and Mike standing by watching confused. Link looks up at Mike)
Mike: Great, your finally ready to go on your quest, you can find me at my home if you ever need me. (Mike leaves.)
(Watches as Mike walks off and then walks in the other direction.)
(Film continues till Link is out of sight, but is fast foreworded till then.)
(Speed resumes with Link looking down at the ravine. Animation for "skip to next chapter")
Link: Finally I've reached that things brother.
(It doesn't matter when, but at somepoint while in the ravine, Link will suddenly stop, and turn into the bushes, where he will find a briefcase. as Link opens the briefcase the music for opening a chest plays. Link pulls out a little folded piece of paper in the shape of a 3dimensional rectangle)
Link: [*Congradulations you found geocache*]
(The Wavebird receiver is seen lying on the ground and boss fight music is initiated as the camera zooms in on a dandelion. Link pulls out his sword and shield and ready's himself. The camera goes between the dandilion and Link a few times untill Link relax's and puts down his sword, pulls out a pocket knife, walks away and cuts the dandilion. The music ends)
Link: Why are the first bosses always so easy? It actually makes me wanna cry that whole civilizations are threatened by them!
(Link picks up the wavebird receiver and holds it above his head as the screen fades to black)
END SCENE 2


Scene 3
(As the screen is still black, words appear)
[*Have you ever noticed how inhumanly fast Link can drink?*]
(Screen fades in with Link on the internet reading the "42" group on Facebook)
Alysha: Link, there's a blinking light telling me to return its brother, climb a haunted lighthouse, fight ghosts "with a sword", risk my life, and find another blinking light to bring back here
(Link looks at Alysha as if she is crazy)
(Alysha looks at Link as if he is crazy)
Alysha: Are you on crack?!!
(Link looks at Alysha astonished and insulted)
Alysha: Really! Something about all that doesn't sound right!... (Then very matter-of-factly)...I think we should have you tested!!
Link: (Angrily) Get out of here!!
(Link closes the internet so the desktop can be shown. Link then gets up, walks toward his bedroom to lie down on his bed, and looks at the blinking light. Alysha stands in the doorway waiting)
Link: Go away!
(Link gets up to walk to the door, opens it and Alysha can be seen leaving, Link then closes the door and returns to his bed)
Link: (angrily) what?!!
CH2: My brother!
Link: What about him? I have him right here!
CH2: Place him beside me.
Link: Huh? Fine!
(Link places CH4 into the second slot of the wii)
CH2: Thank you
(Link grunts)
CH4: (enthusiastic if possible) Hello, and welcome!
Link: This is my room!
CH4: Not anymore! Now that I'm here, it's my bachelor pad!
Link: I'm unplugging him!
CH2: No, he's the only one that knows where CH7 is
Link: Then he can tell me, and then I'll yank him
CH4: But I already took the blue pill!
Link: yeah? Well this is as far down the rabbit hole as you go
CH4: ah! No! We need to be together for our power to work properly
Link: what power?
CH2: the one that lets us know where Gannon is
Link: I'm sure I can find a way that we won’t need him yet
CH4: yes, but why?
Link: (annoyed) where's your brother
Ch4: so I can stay?
Link: for now
CH4: All right! Commencing virus download!
Link: Oh, that’s it!
(Link jumps up and as he rushes towards CH4, he pushes anything in front of him out of the way)
(Screen cuts to black (not fads))
[*this scene was deleted due to: violent nature, graphical violence, crude language, mature content, and its complex conclusion that would be far too difficult for the average person to understand, and definitely has nothing to do with the scriptwriter being too lazy to come up with anything*]
(screen fades back in on a bloody and beat up Link breathing heavily with the Master Sword either in hand, or at his side. the Master Sword should be bloody too(CH4 should look bloody and beat up as well if possible, but we don’t see this until the screen cuts to him talking)
Link: well now that we've finished that amazing fight scene with explosions, CG monsters, castle sieges, and Death Stars, I will ask you again: where is your brother? The one who is going to be less annoying than you are if he doesn’t want to be written out of the script?
CH2: Actually, you'll find him much more annoying! You’ll see! And to find him you must climb a haunted lighthouse, fight ghosts, with a sword, risk your life, and find another one of us.
Link: yes, I've already heard all that. But WHERE? Wait! I thought you said you didn't know where it was
CH2: where HE is, and I don't! I just know it's he's in a haunted lighthouse where you must fight gh---
Link: Stop! Please, for the love of god stop! Where is it?
CH4: The Mars Lighthouse in Prox
Link: I see. Huh, I wonder if anyone will get that reference?
CH4: probably only a few people. But now that everyone knows it's a reference, there's probably going to be a lot of annoying people asking in the comments: what were they referencing at such and such a time?
Link: you know we could probably solve that problem by just telling them, or putting it in the video description.
CH4: Nah, let’s let them figure it out. I hope that they'll realise if they type in 'Prox' and 'lighthouse' into Google, something will come up
Link: I hope so, people can get annoying when they ask what song or anime was playing at whatever time.
CH4: I agree, and you know what? Let’s make everyone’s lives a little easier. for all you people who do that while watching AMV Hell, if you go to the AMV Hell website, it lists ALL of them, in order!
Link: I hope that works
CH2: ok guys settle down, let’s get back to rescuing our brother
Link: rather than referencing the world wide-video streaming-web? Ok! Huh?... I wonder!... uh... can you guys be destroyed?
CH4: yes, but only by a powerful magic, the one Gannon is after, the one we must stop him from getting
Link: hmm?... so I can't hurt you by any physical means?
CH4: no
Link: what about your brother? The one in the tower?
CH2: he's protected too. You couldn't hurt any of us if you tried. Unless you possessed the 'golden power
Link: so desu ne?
(Camera must be sure not to show Link at this point)
CH4: why do you ask?
(As the camera goes back to Link, Link is shown talking on his cell phone. also, Link is no longer bloody and beat up, the master sword is back where it should be, and when we go back to CH4, he too is back to normal)
Link: yeah, thanks, that’s a big help. So, how's the wife? Yeah? Well that’s nice. Oh, I hope you guys have fun! Oh sorry, I got to go, but give me a call when you get back and we'll hang out, and really, thanks for doing that favour for me!
(Link hangs up the phone and returns to talking to CH4)
Link: I'm sorry, what were we talking about?
CH4: I was asking you why you wanted to know if we could be injured
Link: oh right, that. No reason!
(The screen cuts to the scene of a nuclear explosion)
CH2/CH4:...
CH2: You know your predecessors had more respect!
Link: You know my predecessors didn't have nukes!
CH4: well are you going to go get him?
Link: are you crazy?! I'll get radiation poisoning! I'll send Andrew
(Link walks over and opens the door, Andrew cannot be seen)
Link: Hey Andrew
(From somewhere unseen)
Andrew: yeah?
Link: Could you come here for a minute
(the camera should stop recording at this part, giving Andrew a chance to come into view, once Andrew is in position the camera should start recording again, and the song that is played in Zelda games whenever a secret is found should be played, thus giving the feeling that Andrew just magically appeared. also, Andrew should be holding a mysterious bag in front of him)
Andrew: yeah?
Link: I have a really fun, big-boy job for you. You see those two blinking lights? They lost their brother and cannot get him back themselves. Do you wanna be a BIG hero?
Andrew: yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Link: okay! go to our city's tower, there you will find a smoking crater, in that crater should be another one of these guys, find him, and bring him back okay?
Andrew: okay!
(As Andrew says his next line, he opens the bag releasing a bunch of red balloons)
Andrew: Tingle Tingle Kooloo Limpa!
(Just like before, the camera should stop recording and only start again once Andrew's gone, so that it looks like he magically disappeared)
Link:...well he should be back soon, where to next?
CH2: Your generation is the laziest I have ever seen!
CH4: But they do seem to get the most done!
(Link looks thoroughly pleased with himself)
Link: so where to next?
CH4: we are unsure; we will need to wait for our brother
Link: I see, in that case I think I deserve a break!
(Link opens a Kit Kat)
CH2: You have been working very hard!
CH4: hasn't he?
CH2: …
(Andrew runs in and pushes Link out of the way to get to the Wii and plug in the receiver, after doing so, he jumps on the bed and stairs at the receivers like a cat or a dog, eyes wide, just watching and smiling expectantly)
Link: Can I help you?
(Andrew looks at Link still pleased, shakes his head violently, and then returns to staring at the Wii)
Link: Then get out!
(Andrew looks at him still pleased, shakes his head violently and then returns to staring at the Wii)
Link: Ugh!!!
(Alysha walks into the room)
Alysha: Link! Look at you, you’re so skinny! Here, drink your milk!
(Alysha hands Link a glass of milk, preferably in a glass jar, and Link downs it)
END SCENE 3


Offline spirit

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Re: LOZ parody film
« Reply #1 on: February 25, 2010, 01:11:39 AM »

SCENE 4
(As the screen is still black, words appear)
[*never underestimate the length of a seemingly short and simple task*]
(Screen comes back in with the image of Link sitting on his chair looking very annoyed about something; we cannot see what he is so mad about. then the camera shows Andrew and Alysha both sitting on his bed looking at the wii)
CH2: Link?
Link: (grunt)
CH4: Link?
Link: (grunt)
CH7: Link?
Link: (grunt) (pause) (grunt) (grunt)
CH2/CH4/CH7: Link?
Link: (pleasantly) yes? What can I do for you?
CH2: our sister?
Link: (dully) sister?
CH4: can you find her?
Link: can I?
CH7: please?
Link: where?
CH7: we do not know, but there is one who does
Link: Who? Where?
CH7: the king!
Link: what king?
CH7: the king!
Link: of course! 'THE KING'
CH7: good! To get to him you must talk to one of his workers
Link: and where is he?
CH4: we do not know
Link: right
CH2: but the one who trained you does
Link: All right, let’s go! Come on you two
(As Link says his last line, Andrew and Alysha both turn to look at him with big smiles still on their faces, they then jump off the bed and leave the room on all fours)
(The screen cuts to outside Michael’s house)
(Link opens the door and walks in, he then looks around quickly turns to the camera and speaks)
Link: Mike, I need your help
Mike: okay, hold on
(Mike finds a spot and puts down the camera, and walks on screen)
Mike: Yeah?
Link: I need to find the worker of the king
Mike: what king?
Link: 'THE' king!
Mike: oh of course
(Link filming improve of Mike being annoying and taking Link around the house asking him pointless questions energetically for a while until Link says his next line)
Link: Mike! Michael! The king! I need to find the king!
Mike: Oh, yes! You need to see his worker
Link: where is he?
Mike: Kirko village
Link: thank you
(Link leaves and Mike remains where he is watching Link and smiling)
(Screen cuts to Link outside Kirks house)
(Link tries to open the door, but it’s locked)
Link: great! He is probably at work
(Screen cuts to outside Burger King. Link checks the times that the place is open and then walks over to a nearby rock with a strange symbol on it, and slashes it)
[*boing boing. the current time is] (Insert 3 minutes after Burger Kings closing time)
(Link groans and leaves grumbling)
(Screen cuts to Kirk's house with Link trying the door unsuccessfully again. He then is shown at Mike’s house talking to Mike)
Mike: yeah I just heard from him, seams he has to talk to you and should be at your house
(Screen cuts to Link walking up his driveway with Holly tied up outside)
Holly: Hey, Listen!
(Holly continues to say this until Link turns to her)
Link: Yes?
Holly: (insert random comments)
(Link turns away from Holly and continues up to the doorstep. Alysha and Zelda are seen sitting outside)
Zelda: Hey!
Zelda: [*Thank goodness your home, we can't get in, the door is locked!*]
Link: (groan) where's your key?
Alysha: we don't know. It could be just about anywhere!
Zelda: EH!
Zelda: [*We were playing in the park, maybe it’s on one of the swings*]
Link: (getting increasingly annoyed) I'll go look
(Zelda giggles as Link starts to walk off)
[*good luck*]
(Link returns sword drawn)
Zelda: AH!!
Zelda: [*don't hurt me, I’m important to the storyline. You need me later, remember!
(Link rests a little, still annoyed and walks off)
(Screen fades out and then back in with Link returning to the doorstep)
(Film this over an entire day, but mix up the scenes so it looks like it has taken days to complete)
Link: all I found was this apple
Alysha: Oh! Perhaps it was at the school!
(Screen fades out and then back in with Link returning to the doorstep. Link looks very upset)
Alysha: (expectantly) did you find it?
Link: no, and they gave me an F in trigonometry
Alysha: (disappointed) oh! Well we went to Lon Lon Ranch, check there!
(Screen fades out and then back in with Link returning to the doorstep. Link looks very pleased)
Alysha: well?
Link: not there either! But some girl taught me a song to call Epona, maybe one day I'll show you
(Screen cuts to the scene in that Zelda parody movie on YouTube at the part where they meet the girl who gives them Epona's song)
Alysha: Oh, that’s right! We went to the graveyard. Try there
(Screen fades out and then back in with Link returning to the doorstep. Link looks very scared. Link is now wearing a different shirt, red this time)
Alysha: any luck?
Link: please never make me go back there. On the other hand, I did find a secret dungeon
Zelda: Oh!
Zelda: [*I was wondering why your shirt changed*]
Link: you like it? It’s supposed to give me bonus offensive ability
Zelda: Uh huh!
(Screen fades to black)
[*many unsuccessful attempts later*]
(Link walks up to the doorstep carrying a bunch of random stuff)
Zelda: oh!
Zelda: [*I remember! we lost it in Jaba Jaba's belly!*]
Link: what were you doing inside of a fish?
Zelda: huh?
Zelda: [*what? that's not normal?*]
Link: (sigh) I'll brb
(Screen fades out)
[*Lake Hylia*]
[*Will not be shown*]
(Screen fades back in with Link walking up to the doorstep. All of Link's clothes are drenched)
Alysha: Link, you jumped in without getting changed first?
Link: is that not normal? Ugh. Anyway, I found the key
Zelda: Yay!
(Link walks up and opens the door, standing behind it is Kirk)
Kirk: Link! We need to talk!
Link: I know!
Kirk: To my village!
(Cut to Link and Kirk entering Kirk's house)
[*Kirko Village*]
Link: Why is your house an entire village?
Kirk: why not?
Link: where do you want to talk?
Kirk: the fortuneteller’s home! Follow me!
(Link and Kirk go to the computer room. Kirk goes behind the desk to the computer and Link sits in a chair on the other side of the desk. The camera shows from Kirk's perspective as he closes a video of the final fight between Link and Gannon. Underneath is the 'Rez The Ranger' facebook page, this too is closed.)
Kirk: now! Why do you come before me?
Link: I hear you know the whereabouts of the king
Kirk: yes! I am he!
Link: I thought you were the fortuneteller...and the king’s worker
Kirk: yes, and now I am the king
Link: considering all the things that have happened lately, it's not surprising I'm not surprised. ... I hear you know the whereabouts of an annoying blinking light
Kirk: I do! (Blank pause)
Link: where?
Kirk: (as if there were no awkwardness) it is being sold by a very untrustworthy man, in a very shady shop somewhere in this village
Link: where?
Kirk: somewhere in this village
(Link leaves)
END OF SCENE 4

SCENE 5
(As the screen is still black, words appear)
[*Why are the strangest things always being sold?*]
Link: (Link see's Kirk in the shop, stops abruptly and confused, and then walks in)
Link: Hey, I'm looking for a---
Kirk: I know! We just talked
Link: right, well can I have it?
Kirk: have what?
Link: what we were just talking about
Kirk: what were we just talking about?
Link: how a little blinking light is---
Kirk: being sold at a shady shop! I know!
Link: but you just said---
Kirk: Hello, and welcome! How may I help you?
Link: Kirk!
Kirk: yes? Have we met? I’m sorry; I’ve forgotten your name!
Link: (Link is about to speak up but is interrupted again
Kirk: oh, Link is it?
Link: I wish people would give me a chance to introduce myself once in a while
Kirk: Oh, link! I’ve come into possession of something you will need
Link: I know, may I have it?
Kirk: have what?
Link: give me the blinking light!
Kirk: say please!
Link: just give me the blinking light
Kirk: SAY PLEASE!
Link: fine! PLEASE give me the blinking light
Kirk: I’m sorry but there is only one person I am going to give that to
Link: yes, me
Kirk: who are you?
Link: (again interrupted when he is about to speak up)
Kirk: oh, Link is it?
Link: (grunt) my name is---
Link: (yet again Link is interrupted)
Kirk: oh, Link is it?
Link: (Link glares at Kirk for a moment, and then speaks very quickly)
Link: my name is Link
Kirk: Link huh? That’s a strange name! huh? Nope! Don’t know any Link's! You must have the wrong number, please leave a message after the beep and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible
Link: (Link puzzled waits for a moment staring at Kirk, who just has a pleasant smile on; no different from the one he has had this entire conversation)
Link: uh---
Link: (Link was interrupted again, this time with the sound of a beep
Link: GIVE ME THE FREAKIN' BLINKIN' LIGHT!
Kirk: yes of course!
Link: thank you
Link: (Link takes the receiver and leaves politely. as soon as he has left the house he takes one last look back and runs off)
(Cut to Link in his room)
Link: okay! I have your sister, it was painful and gave me a headache, I’ll probably never recover fully, but I got her! Are you happy now?
CH2/CH4/CH7: no! Plug her in!
Link: (Link obediently does so, and the happy tree friends theme is played with the receivers blinking, symbolizing them singing)
Link: fine, now where is Gannon?
CH2: who?
Link: oh don't you start! I WILL murder you!
CH4: you can't hurt us remember?
Link: I WILL find a way! Now where is Gannon?
CH4: (blink)
Link: I don't like you
CH9: (in Japanese) yes brother! Gannon must be stopped! He has just kidnapped princess Zelda. Link, you must rescue her!
Link: ummmmm.... what?
CH7: what? Don’t you speak Japanese?
Link: No! Doesn’t it speak English?
CH4: no, of course she doesn't
Link: how are you related again? Wait, don't answer that! I don't think I could handle the truth! Can’t you just ask it where Gannon is?
CH4: ask her yourself
Link: huh? CH9! (Pause) where (pause) is (pause) Gannon
CH9 (in Japanese) I'm (pause) Japanese (pause) not (pause) deaf
CH9: (in English) [*I'm pause Japanese pause not pause deaf*]
CH9: (oh yeah, those pauses in the English text are actually there, in other words it actually says I’m pause Japanese pause...)
Link: sorry
CH9: (in Japanese) yes brother. Gannon must be stopped. He has just kidnapped princess Zelda. Link, you must rescue her
CH9: (in English) [*yes brother. Gannon must be stopped. he has just kidnapped princess Zelda. Link, you must rescue her
Link: this is getting annoying!
CH9: (in Japanese) hey, it's not my fault I’m Japanese, deal with it.
CH9: (in English) [*hey, it's not my fault I’m Japanese, deal with it*]
(Just then, Andrew and Alysha run in like animals)
Andrew: Link! Link! Link!
(They both jump onto the bed like animals)
Link: Don’t you two ever knock?
(Andrew and Alysha apologize, stand and casually walk out slowly, and close the door. A knock is then heard)
Link: What?
(Andrew and Alysha run in like animals)
Andrew: Link! Link! Link!
(They both jump onto the bed like animals)
Alysha: Gannon’s kidnapped Zelda
Link: I’m aware
Alysha: he must be stopped!
Link: yes, I know. Get out!
(Andrew and Alysha apologize, stand and casually walk out slowly, and close the door. A knock is then heard)
Link: what?
(Andrew opens the door and peeks in)
Andrew: Can I play Twilight Princess?
(Link jumps up, runs to the door and closes it)
Link: OUT!!!!
CH9: (in Japanese with English subtitles) you’re so mean!
Link: oh don’t you start
CH2: Link, hurry up and save Zelda
Link: where is she?
CH9: (in Japanese) in Gannon’s prison
Link: translation please
CH9: (in Japanese with English subtitles) in Gannon’s prison
Link: which is where?
CH9: (in Japanese with English subtitles) where he has been the whole time
Link: and that is?
CH9: (in Japanese with English subtitles) the soccer field
Link: fine (Link leaves)
CH9: (in English with Japanese subtitles) good luck. I hope you win. You’re finally on the last great mission, this could be the end, but if you keep fighting, you will survive virtually unharmed. I believe in you Link.
END SCENE 5


SCENE 6
(prior to the screen coming up, the following is shown)
[*When in doubt, waste time by referencing other irrelevant paraphernalia*]
(Link is coming into the soccer field where he first fought Mike)
(Zelda is trapped behind the baseball diamond fence, and Gannon is nowhere to be seen)
(The screen is panning around the field, and eventually rests on Link you is talking on his cell phone)
Link: where are you?
Gannon: I’m at home. Why?
Link: we have to film our final fight scene
Gannon: when?
Link: right now (Link tries to shoe the camera away) we’re all set up
Gannon: oh! Where are you?
Link: at the field
Gannon: all right I’ll be right there
Link: good.
(Link closes his phone, and sighs)
Andrew: Link, can I call Gannon?
Link: fine. Here
(Link hands the phone over to Andrew)
Andrew: what was his number again?
Link: 867-5309. Wait… couldn’t you just hit redial?
Andrew: yeah, but referencing long forgotten one-hit wonders is more fun
(Andrew walks away like an Egyptian)
Link: paraphernalia! We’re supposed to be referencing paraphernalia!
walks over to a crowd of people. Everyone featured in the film is shown)
Link: all right Gannon’s not here yet, so everyone just take a quick break
Everyone: (grown) (Link sits down and looks at the wavebird receivers)
CH2: what’s taking so long?
Link: I don’t know, I thought I told him to be here
CH4 : I hope he gets here soon
Link: you and me both
CH7: if he doesn’t get here soon were going to have to shoot another time
CH9: (in Japanese with English subtitles) I’m taking bets! 10 to 1 Gannon! Anyone want in on that?
(Andrew begins narrating his actions)
Andrew: runs over and crouches down by the wavebird receiver
(runs over and crouches down by the wavebird receiver)
Andrew: Stares excitedly
(stares excitedly)
Andrew: returns to his normal tone to speak normally and stop being so pointlessly annoying because it was written into the script
(returns to his normal tone to speak normally and stop being so pointlessly annoying because it was written into the script)
Andrew: yeah, I’ll get in on that! $20 on Gannon! No, Link! No, Gannon! No, Link! Gannon, Link, Gannon, Link, Gannon, Link, Gannon, Link, Homestar. NO! slowing down speech again to a comprehensible level
(slowing down speech again to a comprehensible level)
Andrew: the Ask A Ninja, ninja!
CH9: (in Japanese with English subtitles) thank you! Pleasure doing business with you, and I hope you win!
Andrew: laughs
(laughs)
Andrew: uses subtitles to annoy
(uses subtitles to annoy)
Andrew: [*good luck Link. I’m rooting for you
(Link tries to punch Andrew but misses)
Andrew: Ah!
Andrew: [*Andrew dodges the attack and runs off back into the crowd to prepare for the fight*]
(Andrew dodges the attack and runs off back into the crowd to prepare for the fight)
Link: I hate those damn subtitles. I swear if people keep using them, I will not be responsible for my actions
CH9: (in Japanese with English subtitles) no kidding! Those things are the most annoying things in the world
Zelda: Marshall!
(yes, she actually says Marshall)
Zelda: when are we going to start filming? I’m getting bored
Link: soon Jess
(yes I actually say Jess)
Link: as soon as Curt gets here
(yes I actually say Curt)
Link: we can start
(the wavebird receivers start singing the theme to the Happy Tree Friends again)
Link: stop it! Oh please stop it
(Jordon runs over and joins in)
Link: AHHHH!
(Link falls down and curls up)
(Jordon hunches over and continues singing)
(suddenly Link stands up)
Link: hold on. I have a text message from Curt, he’s on his way
CH2: Yay! Gannon!
CH4: we can start
CH7: this is going to be awesome
Andrew: go Caboose
(everyone looks off into the distance smiling and expectant)
(cut to black out showing the following and using a Sponge Bob Square Pants sound effect)
[*2 Hours Later*]
(Andrew comes running from where Gannon is supposed to be, he is holding an oilers flag)
Andrew: Everyone, Everyone, stop fighting. Look unto me. I possess the blue flag. I have seen the top of the mountain, and you will worship me as though I were a god
(must check that line for accuracy)
(Gannon hits Andrew and Andrew falls to the ground. Jill is standing beside Gannon)
Andrew: I regret nothing! I lived what few men dare to dream
Gannon: well at least he referenced paraphernalia this time
Link: who’s that?
Gannon: oh that’s just my girlfriend who lives in Canada
Even: oh! (pelvic thrust... haha, even you have one line)
(Gannon changes his tone to be threatening and challenging)
Gannon: Let’s start this thing!
END SCENE 6




Offline spirit

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Re: LOZ parody film
« Reply #2 on: February 25, 2010, 01:11:54 AM »
SCENE 7
[*Spin slash solves everything*]
(pause)
[*EVERYTHING*]
(The scene comes up with all the cast members standing in a circle around Gannon and Link who are poised to fight)
Gannon: Link! I have captured your precious princess Zelda, and soon I will have the Triforce
Link: No! I will stop you!
Gannon: you can---
Link: (imitating Gannon) you can’t! Bwahahahaha! You’re too late, there isn’t enough time for you to save Zelda. It’s all over
Gannon: how did---
Link: (still imitating Gannon) how did you know all this?
Gannon: yeah
Link: call it a hunch
Gannon: well it doesn’t matter, you can’t stop me anyway
Link: what? Are you gonna cry? Is little Link taking all your lines? Awww poor baby! You gonna cry? You gonna turn into some crazy beast huh?
Gannon: no, you seem to enjoy taking all my parts so...
(use 8bit graphics to make a stunt double of Gannon hitting Link with magic)
(as soon as Link is hit by the magic, we film live action again)
Link: AHHH! (Link starts to seize)
Gannon: your diabetic, not epileptic
Link: (stops twitching) oh. (starts flailing like he’s having a tantrum) AHHH! Blood sugar! Insulin! Frequent bathroom trips! AHHH! AHH! AHH!
Gannon: are you done?
Link: (standing up and brushing himself off) yeah
Gannon: good. Now about that beast (Gannon hits Link with 8bit magic again)
Link: nooooooo! (Link makes his creepy smile and laugh) hahahahahaha (Link drops on to all fours) hehehehehehe
(Link does his creepy shaky head charge on Gannon, Gannon falls back frightened. Link then turns on a camera man who films it from a ground view. Link then runs around the crowd like that, and eventually stands, exhausted)
Link: wooh, that takes a lot out of you. Where’s my sword?
Gannon: (handing over the wiimote-sword) here
Link: thanks
(Link does a spinslash, and Gannon flies back)
Gannon: hey that hurt
Link: really? Here (Link hands Gannon the sword) try it on me. (Gannon spinslashes) ow!
Gannon: see?
Link: yeah, that does hurt. I’m sorry
Gannon: no worries, just try not to do it again okay
Link: sure thing. (Gannon gives Link the sword back) Hyah! (Link slashes Gannon with a normal strike, and Gannon gets knocked back again)
Gannon: gahhh!
(Gannon hits Link with a ball of magic. Link holds his sword out and hits Gannon with his “sword of power”)
Crowd: (cheering, ooing, and awing)
Link: that’s right. It’s over Gannon
Gannon: i don’t think they were cheering for you
Link: huh?
(Link looks at the crowd, who is now huddled over Link’s laptop. Link and Gannon walk over to see what they’re watching. The camera turns to the computer, and it reveals that everyone is watching the YouTube video: Velocity 4.5)
Andrew: go sensei crazy legs
Link: hey! You’re supposed to be watching us
Gannon: jeez, tough crowd
Link: how are you watching that anyway? I wore the battery out on that thing
CH4: we plugged it into my other bachelor house
(the camera spans to the power cord emerging from the computer and follows the path of the cord to reveal a long series of extension cords from the laptop, to inside Michaels house)
Gannon: (turns to Link) i think you know what you have to do
Link: but I haven’t learnt it yet
Gannon: it’s okay. I believe in you
Link: (gets teary eyed) you mean it?
Gannon: (also gets teary eyed) with the bottom of my heart
Link: I love you man
Gannon: i love you too (hug) now, go get ‘em tiger
Link: right! (holds out his sword and charges up) BANKAI! CROWD SPLITTING HURRICANE SPIN! (releases and hurricane spins through the crowd, as he gets to everyone they turn back ready for the fight to continue)
Gannon: (Looks impressed, and then turns curiously to a point off screen) Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his power level?
(switch to clip of Vegeta)
Vegeta: It’s over 9000
Nappa: what 9000?
(switch back to clip of Gannon)
Gannon: how many times has that joke been used?
(switch to clip of Vegeta)
Vegeta: It’s over 9000
Nappa: what 9000?
(switch back to clip of Gannon)
Gannon: (holding the manga) but it says here that it’s over 8000!
Link: (returning to Gannon) I did it
Gannon: I told you, you could do it. I’m so proud of you
Link: thanks man. Alright you ready?
Gannon: yeah (Link and Gannon charge eachother, but right before making contact a buzzer goes off)
Mike: (from the playground) and that’s half time. What do you think so far Jordon?
Jordon: blehgurhahahahahaha (crazy tongue stuff)
Mike: that’s terrific. I agree. Now who do you think is winning out there? They both look pretty even, I think its gonna be close.
Jordon: you have to punch with the two big knuckles
Mike: that is absolutely correct. Now we have a guest in our studio today, but before we bring him out, is there anything you would like to add?
Jordon: how ‘bout that local sports team? Oh! And how’s the weather?
Mike: words to live by. Alright, here with us today is the villain of the story: Gannon (Gannon climbs up to sit beside them) how are you Gannon?
Gannon: I’m terrific, it’s a hard game out there Mike, but I think I can pull it off
Mike: so now I hear Gannon isn’t your real name, tell me about that
Gannon: yes, my real name is Curt, I’m 19 (lol original script says 17) and was pulled into this by Marshall’s twisted and disturbed mind
Mike: yes, we all were. Curt huh? That’s interesting (in the background we can see everyone else marching along) do you have any questions for our guest Jordon?
Jordon: yes. What is the refractive angle of light from a prism?
Gannon: oh jeez! Another one of Marshall’s references, argh. What is it with him and that number?
Mike: is that all you have Jordon?
Jordon: That’s it. (runs off and joins the march)
Mike: alright Curt, it’s been a pleasure talking to you, do you have anything else you would like to add before we go?
Gannon: yea
Mike: alright what is that?
Gannon: just the word yea
Mike: well Curt I’m sorry you couldn’t be here tonight. You’ve been a terrific guest (in case I ever forget, that’s a reference to when Joaquin Phoenix was being interviewed by David Letterman)
Gannon: thanks
(as Gannon and then Mike climb down, the old ‘Hockey Night in Canada’ theme is played)
END SCENE 7


S CENE 8A
[*The winner of this battle will be revealed right after these messages*]
(The scene comes up with only Gannon on camera)
Voice: are you an evil overlord?
Gannon: yes
Voice: do you keep getting foiled out of your master plans?
Gannon: (getting teary eyed) uh huh
Voice: well then it sounds like you could use SEOTSAL! SEOTSAL is a school for anyone trying to take over the world, but can’t seem to get it right. Often times evil villains like to play with those pesky heroes giving them chances to escape, or sometimes in the midst of a great battle, will upgrade themselves to be invincible only to realize that they forgot to cover up one major weakness. Here at SEOTSAL we take care of you. We teach you skills like:
kill all opponents quickly and efficiently
[*kill all opponents quickly and efficiently*]
[*not to live in volcanoes*]
[*stop giving away master plans*]
[*develop even half decent security*]
[*teach your minions how to aim*]
how to determine if an ultimate weapon is actually ultimate
[*how to determine if an ultimate weapon is actually ultimate*]
[*thoroughly check equipment*]
[*not to install easily accessed self destruct buttons*]
[*get building, and life insurance*]
[*make sure weapons don’t break at crucial moments*]
[*why not to have children*]
why it’s important to hide your base
[*why it’s important to hide your base*]
[*learn the definitions of secret and hidden*]
[*check faulty surveillance camera’s*]
[*not to leave important scattered artefacts lying around*]
[*how, when, and why to properly use a time machine*]
[*not to repeat the same mistake again*]
not to get resurrected when a new hero is born
[*not to get resurrected when a new hero is born*]
[*not to be alive when there is an unstoppable hero*]
[*not to leave key cards lying around*]
[*why it’s important to have more than one person check out suspicious activity*]
[*why a useless person will make an equally useless clone*]
[*guard yourself with those beastly monsters, instead the artefacts that shouldn’t be left lying around*]
Make those awful first bosses stronger
[*Make those awful first bosses stronger*]
[*no more scary push-over’s*]
and much more
[*don’t put the weapon that defeats a certain boss and said boss in the same place*]
[*get off your lazy but and be aware of what’s going on*]
[*never be weaker than any of your minions*]
[*if theres a prophecy to destroy you, don’t ignore it*]
remember, at the School for Evil Overlords That Suck At Life we teach you the tricks of the trade to taking over the world because we’re the best at what we do
[*SEOTSAL! School for Evil Overlords That Suck At Life*]
END SCENE 8A


SCENE 8B
(scene comes up the same way it did in 8A, but with Link this time)
Voice: are you a hero destined to defeat an evil villain?
Link: yes
Voice: and you’d really rather be doing something else?
Link: (getting teary eyed) uh huh
Voice: well just do it, evil villains don’t know anything, it won’t take long, and then everyone will praise you for it, and it can be forgotten about for a couple of centuries before he comes back, at which time your great grandson can deal with it. Defeating evil overlords: the only thing easier is sleep
[*the only thing easier is sleep*]
END SCENE 8B


SCENE 8C
(screen comes up the same way it did for 8A and 8B, this time with the whole crowd)
Voice: are you a crowd?
Crowd: yes
Voice: are you upset because a script writer is running out of ideas and keeps writing stupiderjokes putting you in only to stand around and watch with the occasional witty line, until he runs out of so many jokes that he starts writing in stupid commercials to waste time, make the film longer, and have an excuse to keep on filming so he’s not alone. But then eventually comes up with an even stupider idea about how to actually involve you and write a joke about how he’s doing it because he can’t think of anything better, and really just wants to make the script as long as possible, so he just keeps adding more to a scene that should have ended the movie in what seems like a life time ago. And then got the idea in his head to write a very stupid joke that’s only real purpose is to annoy anyone with the patience to sit through the whole thing as well as be an evil jerk to try and make someone read an impossibly pointless line, until he runs out of breath, or the writer runs out of ink or paper, because he keeps writing the worst joke in history about writing the worst joke in history. And despite the fact that his hand is starting to hurt, and this joke has almost reached a page in length, with his writing size, he doesn’t seem to stop and he wonders how long he can keep this going before he ends it, or before anyone reading the script stops doing so, or anyone watching the movie hits the stop button. A guy who really should be using this time to work on his English class assignment, but finds that boring and wants to finish this script, so people can read it and laugh at it, and laugh at him, and call the script a stupid script, and call this writer a stupid writer. Are you a crowd that fits this description?
Crowd: (all but Andrew, Jordon, and Alysha stare blankly confused)
Andrew/Alysha/Jordon: (teary eyed) uh huh
Voice: then kill
END SCENE 8C

SCENE 9
[*when the action gets dull*]
[*...*]
[*brawl*]
(Everyone in the crowd runs into the fighting area. Some fight Link, others go after Gannon, who runs off onto the playground equipment, everyone leaves him alone after that. Some people also go and fight each other, like Mike and Jordon, they fight each other. No one touches the cameraman)
(Link runs in and fights, everyone he slashes falls down defeated. Link is making his way to Gannon, when he reaches Gannon he tags him in and does some double team moves before going onto the playground equipment himself. Anyone Gannon slashes also falls down defeated. When Gannon has finished everyone off, Link jumps down and stabs him in the back)
Gannon: ow. You stabbed me in the back
(Gannon falls over defeated)
Link: heh heh. Pun
(Link flees the scene)
END SCENE 9


SCENE 10
[*when it’s all over*]
[*end it already*]
Link: Zelda, the evil lord Gannon is safe, you’re defeated!
(Zelda looks puzzled at Link)
Link: I mean, the evil Lord Gannon is defeated, you’re safe
(Zelda comes out from behind the baseball diamond, and runs up to Link)
Zelda: Yay!
(Zelda hugs Link)
Link: are you okay?
Zelda: yeah
[*congratulations Link! Now that you saved me, let us go home, we are all done*]
(Zelda continues to adlib as the rest occurs)
(Links exited expression becomes annoyed. Link walks up to the camera, the camera angle is then changed so that we can see who the cameraman is (Mike) and so we can see them talk)
(Link looks at the new cameraman annoyed, then turns back to Mike and whispers in his ear, Mike nods and walks off, he then returns with two swords, and hands one to Link, they both ready themselves to kill Zelda. Then as the screen fades to black)
Zelda: eh?
[*what? What? What are you doing? AHHHHHHH!*]
(credits)
(after credits, bloopers)
(after bloopers we see Gannon walking around on his cell phone)
Gannon: hello, Seotsal? (begins to cry) I’d like to enrol!
[*END*]
END SCENE 10

Offline Eslin

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Re: LOZ parody film
« Reply #3 on: February 25, 2010, 04:50:13 AM »
Holy cow man. That was pretty good. That must have took your forever.

Offline spirit

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Re: LOZ parody film
« Reply #4 on: February 25, 2010, 05:20:41 AM »
Holy cow man. You actually read it? That must have took you forever.

Out of curiosity (and for my own benefit), what were you favorite/least favorite parts?

Offline Eslin

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Re: LOZ parody film
« Reply #5 on: February 25, 2010, 05:31:54 AM »
I disliked this part.
(Link does a spinslash, and Gannon flies back)
Gannon: hey that hurt
Link: really? Here (Link hands Gannon the sword) try it on me. (Gannon spinslashes) ow!
Gannon: see?
Link: yeah, that does hurt. I’m sorry
Gannon: no worries, just try not to do it again okay

This was a nice way to go out though.

Zelda: eh?
[*what? What? What are you doing? AHHHHHHH!*]
(credits)
(after credits, bloopers)
(after bloopers we see Gannon walking around on his cell phone)
Gannon: hello, Seotsal? (begins to cry) I’d like to enrol!

Offline duotent

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Re: LOZ parody film
« Reply #6 on: March 10, 2010, 07:07:00 AM »
can i be one of the charcters
please lol
(POKEMON CHAOS) Eevee:tackle, quick attack, dig, shadow ball
(A RANDOM POKEMON RP)ponyta:growl
(NEW Generation)gyarados:splash tackle
allmy roleplay charcters and there attacks plus the rp thir for